tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-64520882024-03-08T17:47:11.838-05:00My Secret Life As A Former ProstituteAn online diary including details about my former secret life as an escort, and current musings about what it's like to live inside my head.My Secret Life As A Former Prostitutehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09239036467071690113noreply@blogger.comBlogger162125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6452088.post-1101997681096035342004-12-01T23:57:00.000-05:002004-12-02T10:30:15.970-05:00This morning my boyfriend went off on a trip early, and when I woke up I was alone. I sleep naked, and when I got out of bed I caught my reflection in the mirror. Normally I don't spend too much time looking at myself in mirrors, but this morning since I had some privacy I paused and looked at my nude body. It was strange because usually when I do look at myself, I'm feeling critical and just seeing my individual flaws. But today I didn't do that at all. I just stood there and saw the whole of myself and felt content. Sure I'm far from what anyone would call perfect, but that's okay and I felt beautiful today for the first time in a long time. It affected my whole day--made me sort of daydreamy and even a bit aroused, I should admit. I masturbated (something I rarely do during the day) and thought about how a certain person's eyes look while he's doing exquisite things to me with his mouth and fingers. Afterwards I thought about longing and how it's not always such a bad thing. Not always having what you want makes you appreciate it so much more when you finally do.
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<br />I think perhaps I'm a much more patient person than I usually give myself credit for being.
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<br />I have a laptop, and it's never occurred to me before to bring it into my bedroom. I believe I'd write a lot more if I did it sitting on my bed. My office just doesn't bring out my creative spirit anymore. Since it's such a mess right now I try to spend as little time in there as I possibly can, so when my work is done, I'm out of there. My laptop is usually in my living room, and while I feel comfortable surfing the net in there, I don't feel comfortable writing there. It's something about having an audience, I think.
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<br />I'm sitting on my bed right now. It's nice. Even though they say you shouldn't have electronic equipment in a place you're supposed to just sleep and have sex in, I'm not much for rules. And there hasn't been much non-solo sex in my bedroom for a long time anyway, so I don't think this is going to make much of a difference. But like they also say, this too shall pass. Someday I'll have a bedroom with a fire in it. I just feel sure about that.
<br />My Secret Life As A Former Prostitutehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09239036467071690113noreply@blogger.com32tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6452088.post-1101660932092046932004-11-28T11:17:00.000-05:002004-11-28T11:55:32.093-05:00I'm not sure how it was possible, but on Friday night I fell alseep on a couch in the middle of a poker party. There were at least 25 adults and another 15 children there, and somehow in the midst of the cacophony, I just passed out. Totally sober, mind you. Someone was kind enough to put a quilt on me. My boyfriend says I wasn't snoring, which is a good thing.
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<br />Yesterday my friend Y and his wife came over, and I taught him how to knit while his wife did some work. Watching a man knit is weirdly sexy. I kind of wanted to fling the yarn and needles on the floor and sit on his lap, but the wife wouldn't have approved so I controlled myself.
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<br />Speaking of sexy stuff, there's not much to report on. (Obviously, if knitting can get me hot and bothered. Ha. ) My boyfriend has continued to display pretty much complete disinterest in sex with me, which is par for the course. But since this is how it's been forever, I'm fairly resigned this is just how it is and is going to be. Despite the continuing lack of sex together, we've been getting along very well. Funny how that works. I guess I'll just look forward to the rare occasions when I get to have connected and passionate sex with a friend, instead of beating myself up about the fact that my boyfriend doesn't seem to want me. It's lazy, I know.
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<br />Someone commented that I have a responsibility to post regularly. Bah, I say. I'm not fond of responsibilities and I don't agree with that viewpoint. If I have something to say, I'll post, and if I don't, I won't. If everyone stops reading entirely, then so be it. I don't want to come across as if I don't give a hoot about my readers, but I do not feel as though I have some kind of responsibility to keep them entertained.
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<br />My Secret Life As A Former Prostitutehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09239036467071690113noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6452088.post-1101485118023733262004-11-26T10:47:00.000-05:002004-11-26T11:12:41.740-05:00I'm not huge fan of the holidays. I think it stems from growing up in a house where there was never enough money, and plenty of anger, and the combo made for tension filled and very bleak 'celebrations.' Now that I'm an adult and I have actual control over my life, I don't have that same sense of sheer despair, but if I could just skip the next month and have it be mid-January, that would be perfectly fine with me.
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<br />I had a pretty relaxing and pleasant Thanksgiving. Last year was the first time my boyfriend and I decided to forgo doing the family dinner thing, and I cooked the meal and had it here at my house. We had a friend join us and had not only the most delicious Thanksgiving meal I'd ever had, but the most stress-free one, too. We decided to leisurely head over to his parent's house for dessert and to see everyone for a bit. It worked out so well for us that we decided to do the same thing this year and I'm so glad. Seeing family isn't nearly as stressful when it's in a small dessert sized dose!
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<br />Today I'm going to avoid going anywhere near any stores since the idea of trying to find parking and getting involved in the fray of crazed bargain hunters appeals about to me about as much as being smacked in the head with a brick. I just don't understand why anyone would want to deal with that. I'm going to work on some crafts instead.
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<br />Obviously I'm not dead. You guys are too much.
<br />My Secret Life As A Former Prostitutehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09239036467071690113noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6452088.post-1098314957987631672004-10-20T19:27:00.000-04:002004-10-20T19:29:17.986-04:00GO RED SOX!
<br />My Secret Life As A Former Prostitutehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09239036467071690113noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6452088.post-1096902392135059002004-10-04T11:04:00.000-04:002004-10-04T11:06:32.136-04:00I'm leaving today for a brief vacation and just wanted to let everyone know in advance that while I'm going to bring my laptop with me, chances are I won't be posting this week.
<br />My Secret Life As A Former Prostitutehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09239036467071690113noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6452088.post-1096670148706368512004-10-01T18:35:00.000-04:002004-10-01T18:35:48.706-04:00For you fellow Survivor fans, yes, I was indeed shocked that bitch Mia was sent off the island. I thought for sure that Twila was all done. Apparently Lisa must have come to her senses. Thank goodness, too, for I don't know if I'd have been able to stand listening to Mia's big mouth any longer. <br /><br />I cheated the other night before the concert. I ate a cannoli. And man oh man, was it good! If any of you ever find yourself in the North End of Boston, do stop in to Mike's Pastries. I'm afraid to step on the scale to see if I gained 5 lbs by being naughty. I don't even care all that much if I did, but I'd rather be blissfully ignorant than know for sure.<br /><br />I'm going to be spending my Friday evening with my boyfriend and his his best friend and his girlfriend. I get a real kick out of the best friend, but can live without the girlfriend. She's a nanny and we don't have very much in common at all. There are certain people I feel I have to almost sanitize myself when they're around and she is one of them. It's too bad one can't choose the significant others of their favorite people.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />My Secret Life As A Former Prostitutehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09239036467071690113noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6452088.post-1096587368975925862004-09-30T19:36:00.000-04:002004-09-30T19:36:08.976-04:00So I screwed up and haven't written anything in two days. I have, however, seen Pearl Jam twice in the past two days so at least I sort of have somewhat of an excuse. The shows were done as a benefit for the <a href="http://www.wm3.org">West Memphis 3</a> as well as serving as a warm up for the upcoming Vote for Change Tour. Whenever Pearl Jam plays within a 500 mile radius I try to get to see them. I keep waiting for them to disappoint me and they never do. The past couple of nights were no exception--take no prisoners rock 'n roll. Last night they played Present Tense for me, even! It's one of my favorite songs. <br /><br /><br />Present Tense - Pearl Jam<br /><br />do you see the way that tree bends? <br />does it inspire?<br />leaning out to catch the sun's rays<br />a lesson to be applied<br /><br />are you getting something out of this all encompassing trip?<br />you can spend your time alone, redigesting past regrets, oh<br />or you can come to terms and realize<br />you're the only one who can't forgive yourself, oh<br />makes much more sense to live in the present tense<br /><br />have you ideas on how this life ends? <br />checked your hands and studied the lines<br />have you the belief that the road ahead ascends off into the<br />light?<br />seems that needlessly it's getting harder <br />to find an approach and a way to live<br />are we getting something out of this all-encompassing trip?<br /><br />you can spend your time alone redigesting past regrets, oh<br />or you can come to terms and realize<br />you're the only one who cannot forgive yourself, oh<br />makes much more sense to live in the present tenseMy Secret Life As A Former Prostitutehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09239036467071690113noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6452088.post-1096383265733872712004-09-28T10:54:00.000-04:002004-09-28T10:54:25.733-04:00Rest assured I'm not going to appear on any talk shows. They're all about creating conflict and drama because that is what makes high ratings. I know they don't care about their guests or what light they wind up portraying them in. I'm not about to get sucked in due to vanity. I do find it amusing that a show would even try to get me to appear, considering how important it is for me to not expose myself like that. <br /><br />My Secret Life As A Former Prostitutehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09239036467071690113noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6452088.post-1096324093706893572004-09-27T18:28:00.000-04:002004-09-27T18:30:09.603-04:00Painful confession time. I watch Survivor. Religiously. I never miss one. If I'm going to be out on a Thursday night, I make sure to tape it. I realize that people are laughing at me as they read this and I don't even care. My friends give me a hard time because if they happen to be over when it's on I only allow them to talk during the commercials. I'm a Survivor Nazi. I haven't decided who I'd like to win this season since it's just started, but Brady the FBI agent is smoking hot. I hope he turns out to be a sweetie, too. <br /><br />Parts of this blog are going to be published in an actual book. It's an anthology of sex blogs. I'm psyched. More details to follow.<br /><br />And ha, I just got an email from the producer of Montel William's show. She wants me to call her at my earliest convenience. I can't imagine. I don't think it would be such a great thing for my anonyminity to be appearing on Montel. Maybe they'd let me go on in a big wig and huge sunglasses and use one of those machines to disguise my voice. Somehow I doubt it though.<br /><br /><br /><br />My Secret Life As A Former Prostitutehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09239036467071690113noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6452088.post-1096217424102944492004-09-26T12:50:00.000-04:002004-09-26T12:50:24.103-04:00After a brief foray into redheadedness (which I did not like at all), I'm back to being a brunette. It's funny how even though I never like my hair when I color it, after several years I forget how much I hate it when I do it and still do it anyway. Probably if I was supposed to be blonde or red I'd have been born that way. <br /><br />I've been feeling a bit self-conscious about my body lately and that's sort of disconcerting and somewhat inhibiting, too. I'm still dieting and have lost most of the weight I'd gained since the last time I dieted. While I'm pleased about that, and I definitely look better with my clothes on, I'm waiting for my skin to catch up and shrink too. I'm particularly unhappy about my breasts. Not only do they feel kind of weird to me, but they're definitely not looking all that fabulous these days, either. I know that in a few months they'll catch up and be ok again, but the waiting part is tough. People don't think about that, really, how even though you can go through all sorts of hard work to lose a bunch of fat, you actually wind up looking worse without your clothes. The last few times I've been naked with anyone besides my boyfriend, I've felt the need to point out and explain these body flaws and that's just a weird thing to do. I need to figure out a way to get over this and soon. Being self-conscious isn't the usual thing for me and I don't like it one bit.<br /><br /><br /> <br /><br /><br /><br /><br />My Secret Life As A Former Prostitutehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09239036467071690113noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6452088.post-1096022865968172032004-09-24T06:47:00.000-04:002004-09-24T06:47:45.966-04:00Since my pledge a few weeks ago to write something every day for a week worked so well, I'm going to do that again. Here it is. I promise to update this blog daily for the next 7 days. There. I've done it. (That part was easy.)<br /><br />Sometimes multi-tasking is a bad, bad thing. I had a meeting with one of my 'real job' clients yesterday, and he said at the end, "Oh, I have to tell you something funny." What followed was a story I did not find the least bit amusing, but rather quite mortifying. Apparently I'd accidentally emailed him a dirty picture of myself. (I was trying to send it to someone else, and because I was doing 14 things at once the wrong address ended up in the TO field and I hadn't noticed.) He realized it was an error since the accompanying short email referenced a conversation I most certainly had not had with him. So he looked at the photo and promptly deleted it and had decided to spare me the embarrassment of mentioning it. However, his wife was snooping around in his computer and found it in his 'deleted files' bin and confronted him about it. I've met this woman and I see her frequently enough since his office is in his home! Now she thought we were having an affair and he had to do quite a bit of convincing to get her to believe him that I hadn't meant to send him that email. I apologized left and right and up and down, but he seemed to think the whole thing was rather chortle-worthy and told me not to worry about it. It was definitely completely embarrasing, though, and I pray he never brings it up again.<br /><br />My Secret Life As A Former Prostitutehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09239036467071690113noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6452088.post-1095863237725174602004-09-22T10:27:00.000-04:002004-09-22T10:27:17.726-04:00A commenter on my most recent post called me "psycho." Well, I must say that's probably the first time in my life that anyone has ever used that particular word to describe me. I've certainly been called a lot of different things but psycho has never been one of them. Thanks for the laugh, Donna Martin.<br /><br />The boy I referred to in my last post admitted that he purposely sent me a photo of someone else when initially started communicating since he didn't know who I was. He said he thought I'd be mad about it if he revealed he'd done that before having coffee with me, and thought that maybe I just wouldn't notice the bait and switch. I told him that he should rethink his future approach and wished him better luck next time.<br /><br />Things have been fairly quiet around here. All work and no play is making Laura a dull girl.My Secret Life As A Former Prostitutehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09239036467071690113noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6452088.post-1095428136809505622004-09-17T09:35:00.000-04:002004-09-17T09:35:36.810-04:00I read a lot, and the other day I found a reference to www.booksfree.com, which is like Netflix, only instead of borrowing movies for a monthly fee, one borrows books instead. It's kind of like a library for lazy people since you just pop the books in the mail when you're done with them and they send you the next couple selections on your list. So I signed up, and unfortunately I discovered their selection is somewhat lacking. I guess I should have spent more time browsing the selection before I gave them my credit card number. Whoops.<br /><br />I had an uncomfortable experience yesterday. I met a boy online and agreed to meet him for a cup of coffee and a chat. But when I arrived at the appointed coffee place, I didn't see the boy from the picture anywhere. I thought I was being stood up. After a minute or two a boy came up and introduced himself as being the person I'd been chatting with online and I was very confused since I'd never seen this particular person in my life. He was Indian, and the boy in the picture was most definitely not. I didn't remark on the bait and switch, and I wonder if he noticed my confusion. So I made small talk and drank my coffee rather quickly and said I had lots of work to do and lied and said it was nice to meet him and I left. I was rather annoyed. I don't understand how someone could send a photo of someone else and expect that not to be an issue when you meet. The kid definitely blew it. <br /><br /><br /><br />My Secret Life As A Former Prostitutehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09239036467071690113noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6452088.post-1094671725077504222004-09-08T15:28:00.000-04:002004-09-08T15:28:45.076-04:00Why does desire in general fade for most when one gets old? Does it have to? Can you sustain it? Is it something that rusts because of disuse? <br /><br />I know there are elderly people that have healthy sex lives, but it seems more common for sex and the desire to be with someone sexually to be something that becomes unimportant when one is in their autumn years. I wonder if it's pure coincidence that keeps you fucking when you're 70+, or if it's more due to a concerted effort to keep that part of you always alive? It's times when I'm thinking about these sorts of things I wish I knew some very frank older folks who could give me their perspective.<br /><br />I saw an Australian film a few months ago called "Innocence." It was about an elderly woman, basically trapped in a passionless marriage, who meets a man she'd been in love with 50 years earlier. They begin an affair, picking up, almost, where they left off. Their affair was filled not only with tenderness, but with plenty of sex, too. While a little melodramatic and sad at times, I found the film somewhat of a comfort too. Perhaps it mainly appealed to the romantic side of me (which I try to keep hidden away most of the time) . <br /><br />My Secret Life As A Former Prostitutehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09239036467071690113noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6452088.post-1094569619341722292004-09-07T11:06:00.000-04:002004-09-07T11:06:59.340-04:00The eyes are the windows of the soul. -English Proverb<br /><br />Some years ago, a friend of a friend who'd spent several social occasions with me told me she thought I was difficult to know. I found that assessment sort of odd, since I think of myself as a fairly open person in general. She said that she felt that while on the surface I'm perfectly outgoing, friendly and charming, she felt that I held my cards close to my chest and only revealed exactly what I want people to know. Isn't that what everyone does, I thought? According to this particular girl, the answer is no. <br /><br />I wonder what one loses when they reveal all their secrets?<br /><br /><br /><br />My Secret Life As A Former Prostitutehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09239036467071690113noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6452088.post-1094496320112965762004-09-06T14:45:00.000-04:002004-09-06T14:49:15.643-04:00Since escorting is definitely a thing of the past and I no longer have much to say on that topic, I thought it would be appropriate to rename the blog as well as develop a new look. I haven't tested it in a variety of browsers yet, so I'm crossing my fingers that the new design doesn't break yours.
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<br />Brandon wanted to know if I feel sex-deprived now that I'm not living the escort life anymore. When I was seeing clients once or twice a week, as well as hanging out with the evil fuck buddy Mr. X, I was definitely having sexual experiences practically daily. I don't need to have sex every day in order to feel like I'm having enough. Too much of anything winds up being overkill after a while. In an ideal world, I'd be happy with 3 times a week. That's just enough so I'm satisfied, but not so much that it becomes dull. I'm trying to put more effort into my "at home" sex life. When I put in the work to be creative, the sex at home happens with much more frequency than when I just wait for my boyfriend to initiate anything. It's a cyclical thing, really. I know that eventually I'll get tired of trying to make things interesting and I'll stop, and we'll stop having sex again with any regularity. But right now since I don't have very many other distractions and it's good for my relationship, it's what I'm doing.
<br />My Secret Life As A Former Prostitutehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09239036467071690113noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6452088.post-1094406447225637132004-09-05T13:47:00.000-04:002004-09-05T13:47:27.226-04:00Yesterday morning's surprise attack worked to put the boyfriend in a good mood for the day, although it was a gratuitous act, since I didn't wind up getting any. But that was fine. I made him bacon and eggs afterwards, too. Note to self, cooking bacon while half naked is not a good idea. We had an exhausting day. I helped him with a work project he's been trying to finish and I was out like a light by 10:30 pm. So much for an exciting fun filled Saturday night.<br /><br />Today's agenda includes vast amounts of housework and not much else. Even saucy tarts get mired down with real life sometimes. Hopefully by the end of the day I'll still have enough energy to seduce the boyfriend later on. I figure we're on a roll with the sex stuff, considering there's been two events already this week, and I might as well keep up with the trend. He's always complaining that I don't play Scrabble with him enough, so perhaps I'll suggest a round of that with the loser having to play Love Slave. <br /><br />My skinny jeans fit!<br /><br />My Secret Life As A Former Prostitutehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09239036467071690113noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6452088.post-1094300013397582502004-09-04T08:13:00.000-04:002004-09-04T08:13:33.396-04:00I was a little surprised at some of the negative comments regarding Thursday's post. I don't <i>have to</i> resort to trickery to get laid, which is what some folks seemed to think I was saying. The way I see it is all I was doing was using a more creative approach to gettin' some than what is usual. It seems to me that some people just don't have a sense of humor and probably should lighten up a bit. Sheesh, it's not like I went out and got some ruffies and laced the guy's after dinner drink with them or something. <br /><br />I'm still on this little high from the fervent, passionate sex I had the other night, and since it's Saturday morning and the boyfriend and I have a busy day planned and it's always nice to start off the day with a bang, I think after I finish writing this I'm going to employ some more trickery. My evil plan this time is to sneak back into the bedroom and climb under the covers from the bottom of the bed and see if I can wake up the boyfriend with my minty fresh mouth.<br /><br />Oh, and I mentioned back at the end of June that I was starting the Atkins diet because I'd gained some weight I was looking to be rid of and today I'm thrilled to report that I'm now within 10 lbs of my first goal. My first goal was to reattain my previous all time lowest adult weight. These next 10 lbs are going to be tough, I'm sure, but I'm so very motivated to just get it done. I think I may get out my "skinny jeans" today and try them on for further inspiration.<br />My Secret Life As A Former Prostitutehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09239036467071690113noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6452088.post-1094220291388105692004-09-03T10:04:00.000-04:002004-09-03T10:14:50.516-04:00Sitting around talking to <a href="http://happyhooking.blogspot.com/2004/04/busted.html">Y</a> last night, I asked him if he's ever had sex in a bed, starting the standard way (with both parties heads in the pillow region) and not had to adjust at least once because someone's head was in danger of being smacked into the headboard. I made the observation that it seems odd to me since this always does actually happen, wouldn't it be smarter to start with one's bodies positioned much lower in the bed in the first place, and how I find it surprising that the thought hadn't occured to me before. Why people don't discuss this, I wanted to know? With a bemused expression, he got up and crossed the room and selected a book from the bookcase. He handed it to me and said he'd just finished it and indeed there was a discussion of just that in the book. Now that's just weird. But in a good way, of course.<br /><br />Another interesting conversation thread was concerning sex with friends. Have you ever had a sexual relationship with a friend and for whatever reason the sex stopped, and the friendship continued on without any resulting oddness or permanent discomfort? I maintain that if the sexual stuff occurs after you've been friends for a while you can't go back to what it was before and not suffer damage to the friendship. However, if the sex starts up when the friendship is new, you can indeed stop having sex and things don't necessarily get strange. I'm interested to hear other people's opinions on this.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br />My Secret Life As A Former Prostitutehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09239036467071690113noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6452088.post-1094132502495499922004-09-02T09:41:00.000-04:002004-09-02T10:52:38.626-04:00I believe that last night I decreased my Purity Score by a percentage or two because I did something dishonest and probably even devious to get laid.
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<br />A couple days ago I mentioned this computer game that we've been playing at my house called Zuma Deluxe. My boyfriend has been frustrated because he can't seem to progress past a certain level and I think it was starting to bruise his ego a bit that I'm way ahead of him. So I got sneaky. Last night I went into the XML code that controls the speed of the level and slowed it down significantly, and then called him into my office and told him it was his turn to play. I told him I had all kinds of faith that he'd be able to finally beat it and said, "As added incentive for you to concentrate and do your best, if you beat the level I will give you a blowjob!" I knew at this slowed down speed he should be able to actually do it, and I knew that blowjobs lead to more sex (at least where my boyfriend is concerned) which is something I wanted. He didn't even seem to notice that the game was slower. I kept waiting for him to say something about it, but he didn't. And sure enough he won, and later on while we were lying in bed watching TV asked for his payment which turned into sex for me. My evil plan worked.
<br />My Secret Life As A Former Prostitutehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09239036467071690113noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6452088.post-1094050097905557092004-09-01T10:48:00.000-04:002004-09-01T10:49:16.826-04:00I'm going to test out some chat programs today.
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<br />Here's one:
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<br /><form>
<br /><input onclick="window.open('http://freepop.parachat.com/freepop/freechathost-black.html?room=Lauras_Chat', 'parachat', 'width=600,height=490,location=no,menubar=no')" type="image" src="http://freepop.parachat.com/images/pc_button_logo.gif" border="0">
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<br />I may or may not be there, but anyone who would like to is free to click on the button and test it out. Comments are welcome.
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<br />My Secret Life As A Former Prostitutehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09239036467071690113noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6452088.post-1093958643700519602004-08-31T09:24:00.000-04:002004-08-31T09:24:03.700-04:00I've never been a huge fan of computer games or even particularly good at them, but I have to say that recently I've found a game so addicting that I'm practically compelled to play it. I have a total burning desire to finally beat the game and it's ridiculous. My boyfriend, who never spends any time sitting in front of a computer, played it for 6 hours last night. It's called Zuma Deluxe. Woe to those who fall into it's time sucking trap. <br /><br />Jack and Joe say to find a lover all I have to do is whip up a Craiglist's post and problem solved. Ha! It's not that easy. I've used Craigslist before and sure, I'd get hundreds of responses. I've even met some really neat people that way, but wading through all the frogs to find a prince is just so exhausting and time consuming. It's not random casual sex I have a problem finding (that's certainly simple enough when you've got two X chromosomes), it's connecting with someone who wants more than just a no-strings-attached fuck that's tough. I miss having someone in my life that looks forward to seeing me just as much as I look forward to seeing them. A lover, not a lay. I'm definitely not despondent about this, I'm just noting that I feel a little wistful about it, that's all.<br /><br />On another note, yes, I could do a weekly chat with interested blog reader parties but I wasn't all that pleased with the java chat applet I'd installed originally so I'll investigate other options and let y'all know when I've found something that hopefully works better than what I had.My Secret Life As A Former Prostitutehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09239036467071690113noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6452088.post-1093873438164804272004-08-30T09:43:00.000-04:002004-08-30T11:15:02.336-04:00I've decided I'm going to write something, anything, every morning this week, and hopefully that'll pull me out of my current writer's block, or at least put me back in the habit. I'm not promising anything fascinating.
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<br />I ran into my neighbor before the weekend while out getting an iced coffee and he asked me if I'd like to dog sit for him over the weekend. I asked him what that entailed. He said just walking her and making sure she had food and water. Being that this dog is a really adorable young cocker spaniel and I thought it would be fun, I agreed. It was amusing for the most part, except when I went to check on her one last time before her family was due home and found she'd had a field day with an economy size package of paper towels in the kitchen where she was staying. Imagine my disbelief and dismay upon opening up the kitchen door and finding 12 rolls of paper towels shredded all over the kitchen and her looking at me quite guiltily. Now I remember why I have a cat and not a dog.
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<br />Every year I make Christmas gifts for my friends and family, and each year it's something different. I usually start in September and it takes me up until the middle of December to get the gifts finished. Some past years I've done hand-knitted mittens, gorgeous angels (and I'm touched whenever I see one of my angels sitting atop a Christmas tree), homemade soaps, and jewelry. I haven't decided yet what the plan is this year. I should have a new project figured out some time this week so I can be on schedule.
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<br />I miss having a lover. I do have a friend I've seen every now and then over the past couple months, but he's a busy guy and I know I'm just an afterthought. We got together last week and had what basically amounted to an unsatisfying for me quickie. If physiology were opposite, and it was easier for women to get off then men, I wonder how the world would be different if most women could (and did) just climb on top of a man, bounce up and down for 2 minutes and have an orgasm, and then just dismount and say thanks, leaving the man lying there while she washes up in the bathroom?
<br />My Secret Life As A Former Prostitutehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09239036467071690113noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6452088.post-1093444157270508482004-08-25T10:29:00.000-04:002004-08-25T10:29:17.270-04:00Indeed I've been on a vacation of sorts. I will admit that I've been slightly depressed and therefore have had nothing to say, and I've avoided even looking at the blog and reading the comments on the last post. I just really didn't want to deal with it. I didn't want to address anyone's remarks. I didn't want to think about it all. I've been in avoidance mode. That happens sometimes and I'm well aware is not necessarily the best way to handle things, but it's a defense mechanism and it's something I'm working on. I guess I'm ready to talk now, the problem is I'm not sure what to talk about. <br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />My Secret Life As A Former Prostitutehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09239036467071690113noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6452088.post-1092070201848066242004-08-09T12:50:00.000-04:002004-08-09T12:50:01.846-04:00I had a conversation with my boyfriend the other day regarding our sex life, or, to be more specific, our lack of a sex life. I brought up to him how I frequently find porn in the VCR and how I occasionally have walked in on him masturbating, so it isn't as if sex is the absolute furthest thing from his mind. I've been starting to assume that since he rarely seems interested in having sex with me, he must be sleeping with someone else. It would be ok if that was the case, I told him, I'd just rather have him not feel he needs to hide it from me. He denied having anything going on that he's not telling me about. He claims that we having timing issues--he's always tired when I want to have sex, and when he's not tired, I'm working and he doesn't want to interrupt me. I told him that his seeming lack of interest in me makes me feel unattractive, unsexy, and generally undesirable. I suggested that the next time he's actually horny, instead of popping in a porn tape or going solo, he should interrupt me, regardless of whether I'm working in my office or not. I told him it would make me feel wanted. He said he would. He hasn't yet.<br /><br />It wasn't a bad conversation. He seemed relieved to be having it. He said he was glad we were talking about it. But we've had this conversation before, numerous times in fact, and it never seems to make much difference in the way things work. Most of the time I'm resigned that the way things are is how they are, and how they will always be. But once in a while I have a glimmer of hope that perhaps if I just figure out a different way to talk about it things will change. I know he loves me and he knows I love him too. He was very careful to keep reminding me of this during our discussion. But it's sad to me to have so much love, yet so little desire and no way to fix it.<br /><br /><br /><br />My Secret Life As A Former Prostitutehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09239036467071690113noreply@blogger.com0