My Secret Life As A Former Prostitute

Back In Action!

2008-06-02T19:08:00.003-04:00

Hey everyone.

Recently one of my hookups was caught by a website. For all of my fans who would like to see me finally revealed, please check me out at:

http://www.internethookups.com/1037021/5/banner_code/free/index.html

I'm Laura.

I'm baaaaack!

2008-05-26T01:17:00.001-04:00

Hey everyone.

Laura is back.

2004-12-01T23:57:00.000-05:00

This morning my boyfriend went off on a trip early, and when I woke up I was alone. I sleep naked, and when I got out of bed I caught my reflection in the mirror. Normally I don't spend too much time looking at myself in mirrors, but this morning since I had some privacy I paused and looked at my nude body. It was strange because usually when I do look at myself, I'm feeling critical and just seeing my individual flaws. But today I didn't do that at all. I just stood there and saw the whole of myself and felt content. Sure I'm far from what anyone would call perfect, but that's okay and I felt beautiful today for the first time in a long time. It affected my whole day--made me sort of daydreamy and even a bit aroused, I should admit. I masturbated (something I rarely do during the day) and thought about how a certain person's eyes look while he's doing exquisite things to me with his mouth and fingers. Afterwards I thought about longing and how it's not always such a bad thing. Not always having what you want makes you appreciate it so much more when you finally do.

I think perhaps I'm a much more patient person than I usually give myself credit for being.

I have a laptop, and it's never occurred to me before to bring it into my bedroom. I believe I'd write a lot more if I did it sitting on my bed. My office just doesn't bring out my creative spirit anymore. Since it's such a mess right now I try to spend as little time in there as I possibly can, so when my work is done, I'm out of there. My laptop is usually in my living room, and while I feel comfortable surfing the net in there, I don't feel comfortable writing there. It's something about having an audience, I think.

I'm sitting on my bed right now. It's nice. Even though they say you shouldn't have electronic equipment in a place you're supposed to just sleep and have sex in, I'm not much for rules. And there hasn't been much non-solo sex in my bedroom for a long time anyway, so I don't think this is going to make much of a difference. But like they also say, this too shall pass. Someday I'll have a bedroom with a fire in it. I just feel sure about that.

2004-11-28T11:17:00.000-05:00

I'm not sure how it was possible, but on Friday night I fell alseep on a couch in the middle of a poker party. There were at least 25 adults and another 15 children there, and somehow in the midst of the cacophony, I just passed out. Totally sober, mind you. Someone was kind enough to put a quilt on me. My boyfriend says I wasn't snoring, which is a good thing.

Yesterday my friend Y and his wife came over, and I taught him how to knit while his wife did some work. Watching a man knit is weirdly sexy. I kind of wanted to fling the yarn and needles on the floor and sit on his lap, but the wife wouldn't have approved so I controlled myself.

Speaking of sexy stuff, there's not much to report on. (Obviously, if knitting can get me hot and bothered. Ha. ) My boyfriend has continued to display pretty much complete disinterest in sex with me, which is par for the course. But since this is how it's been forever, I'm fairly resigned this is just how it is and is going to be. Despite the continuing lack of sex together, we've been getting along very well. Funny how that works. I guess I'll just look forward to the rare occasions when I get to have connected and passionate sex with a friend, instead of beating myself up about the fact that my boyfriend doesn't seem to want me. It's lazy, I know.

Someone commented that I have a responsibility to post regularly. Bah, I say. I'm not fond of responsibilities and I don't agree with that viewpoint. If I have something to say, I'll post, and if I don't, I won't. If everyone stops reading entirely, then so be it. I don't want to come across as if I don't give a hoot about my readers, but I do not feel as though I have some kind of responsibility to keep them entertained.

2004-11-26T10:47:00.000-05:00

I'm not huge fan of the holidays. I think it stems from growing up in a house where there was never enough money, and plenty of anger, and the combo made for tension filled and very bleak 'celebrations.' Now that I'm an adult and I have actual control over my life, I don't have that same sense of sheer despair, but if I could just skip the next month and have it be mid-January, that would be perfectly fine with me.

I had a pretty relaxing and pleasant Thanksgiving. Last year was the first time my boyfriend and I decided to forgo doing the family dinner thing, and I cooked the meal and had it here at my house. We had a friend join us and had not only the most delicious Thanksgiving meal I'd ever had, but the most stress-free one, too. We decided to leisurely head over to his parent's house for dessert and to see everyone for a bit. It worked out so well for us that we decided to do the same thing this year and I'm so glad. Seeing family isn't nearly as stressful when it's in a small dessert sized dose!

Today I'm going to avoid going anywhere near any stores since the idea of trying to find parking and getting involved in the fray of crazed bargain hunters appeals about to me about as much as being smacked in the head with a brick. I just don't understand why anyone would want to deal with that. I'm going to work on some crafts instead.

Obviously I'm not dead. You guys are too much.

2004-10-20T19:27:00.000-04:00

GO RED SOX!

2004-10-04T11:04:00.000-04:00

I'm leaving today for a brief vacation and just wanted to let everyone know in advance that while I'm going to bring my laptop with me, chances are I won't be posting this week.

2004-10-01T18:35:00.000-04:00

For you fellow Survivor fans, yes, I was indeed shocked that bitch Mia was sent off the island. I thought for sure that Twila was all done. Apparently Lisa must have come to her senses. Thank goodness, too, for I don't know if I'd have been able to stand listening to Mia's big mouth any longer.

I cheated the other night before the concert. I ate a cannoli. And man oh man, was it good! If any of you ever find yourself in the North End of Boston, do stop in to Mike's Pastries. I'm afraid to step on the scale to see if I gained 5 lbs by being naughty. I don't even care all that much if I did, but I'd rather be blissfully ignorant than know for sure.

I'm going to be spending my Friday evening with my boyfriend and his his best friend and his girlfriend. I get a real kick out of the best friend, but can live without the girlfriend. She's a nanny and we don't have very much in common at all. There are certain people I feel I have to almost sanitize myself when they're around and she is one of them. It's too bad one can't choose the significant others of their favorite people.

2004-09-30T19:36:00.000-04:00

So I screwed up and haven't written anything in two days. I have, however, seen Pearl Jam twice in the past two days so at least I sort of have somewhat of an excuse. The shows were done as a benefit for the West Memphis 3 as well as serving as a warm up for the upcoming Vote for Change Tour. Whenever Pearl Jam plays within a 500 mile radius I try to get to see them. I keep waiting for them to disappoint me and they never do. The past couple of nights were no exception--take no prisoners rock 'n roll. Last night they played Present Tense for me, even! It's one of my favorite songs.

Present Tense - Pearl Jam

do you see the way that tree bends?
does it inspire?
leaning out to catch the sun's rays
a lesson to be applied

are you getting something out of this all encompassing trip?
you can spend your time alone, redigesting past regrets, oh
or you can come to terms and realize
you're the only one who can't forgive yourself, oh
makes much more sense to live in the present tense

have you ideas on how this life ends?
checked your hands and studied the lines
have you the belief that the road ahead ascends off into the
light?
seems that needlessly it's getting harder
to find an approach and a way to live
are we getting something out of this all-encompassing trip?

you can spend your time alone redigesting past regrets, oh
or you can come to terms and realize
you're the only one who cannot forgive yourself, oh
makes much more sense to live in the present tense

2004-09-28T10:54:00.000-04:00

Rest assured I'm not going to appear on any talk shows. They're all about creating conflict and drama because that is what makes high ratings. I know they don't care about their guests or what light they wind up portraying them in. I'm not about to get sucked in due to vanity. I do find it amusing that a show would even try to get me to appear, considering how important it is for me to not expose myself like that.

2004-09-27T18:28:00.000-04:00

Painful confession time. I watch Survivor. Religiously. I never miss one. If I'm going to be out on a Thursday night, I make sure to tape it. I realize that people are laughing at me as they read this and I don't even care. My friends give me a hard time because if they happen to be over when it's on I only allow them to talk during the commercials. I'm a Survivor Nazi. I haven't decided who I'd like to win this season since it's just started, but Brady the FBI agent is smoking hot. I hope he turns out to be a sweetie, too.

Parts of this blog are going to be published in an actual book. It's an anthology of sex blogs. I'm psyched. More details to follow.

And ha, I just got an email from the producer of Montel William's show. She wants me to call her at my earliest convenience. I can't imagine. I don't think it would be such a great thing for my anonyminity to be appearing on Montel. Maybe they'd let me go on in a big wig and huge sunglasses and use one of those machines to disguise my voice. Somehow I doubt it though.

2004-09-26T12:50:00.000-04:00

After a brief foray into redheadedness (which I did not like at all), I'm back to being a brunette. It's funny how even though I never like my hair when I color it, after several years I forget how much I hate it when I do it and still do it anyway. Probably if I was supposed to be blonde or red I'd have been born that way.

I've been feeling a bit self-conscious about my body lately and that's sort of disconcerting and somewhat inhibiting, too. I'm still dieting and have lost most of the weight I'd gained since the last time I dieted. While I'm pleased about that, and I definitely look better with my clothes on, I'm waiting for my skin to catch up and shrink too. I'm particularly unhappy about my breasts. Not only do they feel kind of weird to me, but they're definitely not looking all that fabulous these days, either. I know that in a few months they'll catch up and be ok again, but the waiting part is tough. People don't think about that, really, how even though you can go through all sorts of hard work to lose a bunch of fat, you actually wind up looking worse without your clothes. The last few times I've been naked with anyone besides my boyfriend, I've felt the need to point out and explain these body flaws and that's just a weird thing to do. I need to figure out a way to get over this and soon. Being self-conscious isn't the usual thing for me and I don't like it one bit.

2004-09-24T06:47:00.000-04:00

Since my pledge a few weeks ago to write something every day for a week worked so well, I'm going to do that again. Here it is. I promise to update this blog daily for the next 7 days. There. I've done it. (That part was easy.)

Sometimes multi-tasking is a bad, bad thing. I had a meeting with one of my 'real job' clients yesterday, and he said at the end, "Oh, I have to tell you something funny." What followed was a story I did not find the least bit amusing, but rather quite mortifying. Apparently I'd accidentally emailed him a dirty picture of myself. (I was trying to send it to someone else, and because I was doing 14 things at once the wrong address ended up in the TO field and I hadn't noticed.) He realized it was an error since the accompanying short email referenced a conversation I most certainly had not had with him. So he looked at the photo and promptly deleted it and had decided to spare me the embarrassment of mentioning it. However, his wife was snooping around in his computer and found it in his 'deleted files' bin and confronted him about it. I've met this woman and I see her frequently enough since his office is in his home! Now she thought we were having an affair and he had to do quite a bit of convincing to get her to believe him that I hadn't meant to send him that email. I apologized left and right and up and down, but he seemed to think the whole thing was rather chortle-worthy and told me not to worry about it. It was definitely completely embarrasing, though, and I pray he never brings it up again.

2004-09-22T10:27:00.000-04:00

A commenter on my most recent post called me "psycho." Well, I must say that's probably the first time in my life that anyone has ever used that particular word to describe me. I've certainly been called a lot of different things but psycho has never been one of them. Thanks for the laugh, Donna Martin.

The boy I referred to in my last post admitted that he purposely sent me a photo of someone else when initially started communicating since he didn't know who I was. He said he thought I'd be mad about it if he revealed he'd done that before having coffee with me, and thought that maybe I just wouldn't notice the bait and switch. I told him that he should rethink his future approach and wished him better luck next time.

Things have been fairly quiet around here. All work and no play is making Laura a dull girl.

2004-09-17T09:35:00.000-04:00

I read a lot, and the other day I found a reference to www.booksfree.com, which is like Netflix, only instead of borrowing movies for a monthly fee, one borrows books instead. It's kind of like a library for lazy people since you just pop the books in the mail when you're done with them and they send you the next couple selections on your list. So I signed up, and unfortunately I discovered their selection is somewhat lacking. I guess I should have spent more time browsing the selection before I gave them my credit card number. Whoops.

I had an uncomfortable experience yesterday. I met a boy online and agreed to meet him for a cup of coffee and a chat. But when I arrived at the appointed coffee place, I didn't see the boy from the picture anywhere. I thought I was being stood up. After a minute or two a boy came up and introduced himself as being the person I'd been chatting with online and I was very confused since I'd never seen this particular person in my life. He was Indian, and the boy in the picture was most definitely not. I didn't remark on the bait and switch, and I wonder if he noticed my confusion. So I made small talk and drank my coffee rather quickly and said I had lots of work to do and lied and said it was nice to meet him and I left. I was rather annoyed. I don't understand how someone could send a photo of someone else and expect that not to be an issue when you meet. The kid definitely blew it.

2004-09-08T15:28:00.000-04:00

Why does desire in general fade for most when one gets old? Does it have to? Can you sustain it? Is it something that rusts because of disuse?

I know there are elderly people that have healthy sex lives, but it seems more common for sex and the desire to be with someone sexually to be something that becomes unimportant when one is in their autumn years. I wonder if it's pure coincidence that keeps you fucking when you're 70+, or if it's more due to a concerted effort to keep that part of you always alive? It's times when I'm thinking about these sorts of things I wish I knew some very frank older folks who could give me their perspective.

I saw an Australian film a few months ago called "Innocence." It was about an elderly woman, basically trapped in a passionless marriage, who meets a man she'd been in love with 50 years earlier. They begin an affair, picking up, almost, where they left off. Their affair was filled not only with tenderness, but with plenty of sex, too. While a little melodramatic and sad at times, I found the film somewhat of a comfort too. Perhaps it mainly appealed to the romantic side of me (which I try to keep hidden away most of the time) .

2004-09-07T11:06:00.000-04:00

The eyes are the windows of the soul. -English Proverb

Some years ago, a friend of a friend who'd spent several social occasions with me told me she thought I was difficult to know. I found that assessment sort of odd, since I think of myself as a fairly open person in general. She said that she felt that while on the surface I'm perfectly outgoing, friendly and charming, she felt that I held my cards close to my chest and only revealed exactly what I want people to know. Isn't that what everyone does, I thought? According to this particular girl, the answer is no.

I wonder what one loses when they reveal all their secrets?

2004-09-06T14:45:00.000-04:00

Since escorting is definitely a thing of the past and I no longer have much to say on that topic, I thought it would be appropriate to rename the blog as well as develop a new look. I haven't tested it in a variety of browsers yet, so I'm crossing my fingers that the new design doesn't break yours.

Brandon wanted to know if I feel sex-deprived now that I'm not living the escort life anymore. When I was seeing clients once or twice a week, as well as hanging out with the evil fuck buddy Mr. X, I was definitely having sexual experiences practically daily. I don't need to have sex every day in order to feel like I'm having enough. Too much of anything winds up being overkill after a while. In an ideal world, I'd be happy with 3 times a week. That's just enough so I'm satisfied, but not so much that it becomes dull. I'm trying to put more effort into my "at home" sex life. When I put in the work to be creative, the sex at home happens with much more frequency than when I just wait for my boyfriend to initiate anything. It's a cyclical thing, really. I know that eventually I'll get tired of trying to make things interesting and I'll stop, and we'll stop having sex again with any regularity. But right now since I don't have very many other distractions and it's good for my relationship, it's what I'm doing.

2004-09-05T13:47:00.000-04:00

Yesterday morning's surprise attack worked to put the boyfriend in a good mood for the day, although it was a gratuitous act, since I didn't wind up getting any. But that was fine. I made him bacon and eggs afterwards, too. Note to self, cooking bacon while half naked is not a good idea. We had an exhausting day. I helped him with a work project he's been trying to finish and I was out like a light by 10:30 pm. So much for an exciting fun filled Saturday night.

Today's agenda includes vast amounts of housework and not much else. Even saucy tarts get mired down with real life sometimes. Hopefully by the end of the day I'll still have enough energy to seduce the boyfriend later on. I figure we're on a roll with the sex stuff, considering there's been two events already this week, and I might as well keep up with the trend. He's always complaining that I don't play Scrabble with him enough, so perhaps I'll suggest a round of that with the loser having to play Love Slave.

My skinny jeans fit!

2004-09-04T08:13:00.000-04:00

I was a little surprised at some of the negative comments regarding Thursday's post. I don't have to resort to trickery to get laid, which is what some folks seemed to think I was saying. The way I see it is all I was doing was using a more creative approach to gettin' some than what is usual. It seems to me that some people just don't have a sense of humor and probably should lighten up a bit. Sheesh, it's not like I went out and got some ruffies and laced the guy's after dinner drink with them or something.

I'm still on this little high from the fervent, passionate sex I had the other night, and since it's Saturday morning and the boyfriend and I have a busy day planned and it's always nice to start off the day with a bang, I think after I finish writing this I'm going to employ some more trickery. My evil plan this time is to sneak back into the bedroom and climb under the covers from the bottom of the bed and see if I can wake up the boyfriend with my minty fresh mouth.

Oh, and I mentioned back at the end of June that I was starting the Atkins diet because I'd gained some weight I was looking to be rid of and today I'm thrilled to report that I'm now within 10 lbs of my first goal. My first goal was to reattain my previous all time lowest adult weight. These next 10 lbs are going to be tough, I'm sure, but I'm so very motivated to just get it done. I think I may get out my "skinny jeans" today and try them on for further inspiration.

2004-09-03T10:04:00.000-04:00

Sitting around talking to Y last night, I asked him if he's ever had sex in a bed, starting the standard way (with both parties heads in the pillow region) and not had to adjust at least once because someone's head was in danger of being smacked into the headboard. I made the observation that it seems odd to me since this always does actually happen, wouldn't it be smarter to start with one's bodies positioned much lower in the bed in the first place, and how I find it surprising that the thought hadn't occured to me before. Why people don't discuss this, I wanted to know? With a bemused expression, he got up and crossed the room and selected a book from the bookcase. He handed it to me and said he'd just finished it and indeed there was a discussion of just that in the book. Now that's just weird. But in a good way, of course.

Another interesting conversation thread was concerning sex with friends. Have you ever had a sexual relationship with a friend and for whatever reason the sex stopped, and the friendship continued on without any resulting oddness or permanent discomfort? I maintain that if the sexual stuff occurs after you've been friends for a while you can't go back to what it was before and not suffer damage to the friendship. However, if the sex starts up when the friendship is new, you can indeed stop having sex and things don't necessarily get strange. I'm interested to hear other people's opinions on this.

2004-09-02T09:41:00.000-04:00

I believe that last night I decreased my Purity Score by a percentage or two because I did something dishonest and probably even devious to get laid.

A couple days ago I mentioned this computer game that we've been playing at my house called Zuma Deluxe. My boyfriend has been frustrated because he can't seem to progress past a certain level and I think it was starting to bruise his ego a bit that I'm way ahead of him. So I got sneaky. Last night I went into the XML code that controls the speed of the level and slowed it down significantly, and then called him into my office and told him it was his turn to play. I told him I had all kinds of faith that he'd be able to finally beat it and said, "As added incentive for you to concentrate and do your best, if you beat the level I will give you a blowjob!" I knew at this slowed down speed he should be able to actually do it, and I knew that blowjobs lead to more sex (at least where my boyfriend is concerned) which is something I wanted. He didn't even seem to notice that the game was slower. I kept waiting for him to say something about it, but he didn't. And sure enough he won, and later on while we were lying in bed watching TV asked for his payment which turned into sex for me. My evil plan worked.

2004-09-01T10:48:00.000-04:00

I'm going to test out some chat programs today.

Here's one:

I may or may not be there, but anyone who would like to is free to click on the button and test it out. Comments are welcome.

2004-08-31T09:24:00.000-04:00

I've never been a huge fan of computer games or even particularly good at them, but I have to say that recently I've found a game so addicting that I'm practically compelled to play it. I have a total burning desire to finally beat the game and it's ridiculous. My boyfriend, who never spends any time sitting in front of a computer, played it for 6 hours last night. It's called Zuma Deluxe. Woe to those who fall into it's time sucking trap.

Jack and Joe say to find a lover all I have to do is whip up a Craiglist's post and problem solved. Ha! It's not that easy. I've used Craigslist before and sure, I'd get hundreds of responses. I've even met some really neat people that way, but wading through all the frogs to find a prince is just so exhausting and time consuming. It's not random casual sex I have a problem finding (that's certainly simple enough when you've got two X chromosomes), it's connecting with someone who wants more than just a no-strings-attached fuck that's tough. I miss having someone in my life that looks forward to seeing me just as much as I look forward to seeing them. A lover, not a lay. I'm definitely not despondent about this, I'm just noting that I feel a little wistful about it, that's all.

On another note, yes, I could do a weekly chat with interested blog reader parties but I wasn't all that pleased with the java chat applet I'd installed originally so I'll investigate other options and let y'all know when I've found something that hopefully works better than what I had.

2004-08-30T09:43:00.000-04:00

I've decided I'm going to write something, anything, every morning this week, and hopefully that'll pull me out of my current writer's block, or at least put me back in the habit. I'm not promising anything fascinating.

I ran into my neighbor before the weekend while out getting an iced coffee and he asked me if I'd like to dog sit for him over the weekend. I asked him what that entailed. He said just walking her and making sure she had food and water. Being that this dog is a really adorable young cocker spaniel and I thought it would be fun, I agreed. It was amusing for the most part, except when I went to check on her one last time before her family was due home and found she'd had a field day with an economy size package of paper towels in the kitchen where she was staying. Imagine my disbelief and dismay upon opening up the kitchen door and finding 12 rolls of paper towels shredded all over the kitchen and her looking at me quite guiltily. Now I remember why I have a cat and not a dog.

Every year I make Christmas gifts for my friends and family, and each year it's something different. I usually start in September and it takes me up until the middle of December to get the gifts finished. Some past years I've done hand-knitted mittens, gorgeous angels (and I'm touched whenever I see one of my angels sitting atop a Christmas tree), homemade soaps, and jewelry. I haven't decided yet what the plan is this year. I should have a new project figured out some time this week so I can be on schedule.

I miss having a lover. I do have a friend I've seen every now and then over the past couple months, but he's a busy guy and I know I'm just an afterthought. We got together last week and had what basically amounted to an unsatisfying for me quickie. If physiology were opposite, and it was easier for women to get off then men, I wonder how the world would be different if most women could (and did) just climb on top of a man, bounce up and down for 2 minutes and have an orgasm, and then just dismount and say thanks, leaving the man lying there while she washes up in the bathroom?

2004-08-25T10:29:00.000-04:00

Indeed I've been on a vacation of sorts. I will admit that I've been slightly depressed and therefore have had nothing to say, and I've avoided even looking at the blog and reading the comments on the last post. I just really didn't want to deal with it. I didn't want to address anyone's remarks. I didn't want to think about it all. I've been in avoidance mode. That happens sometimes and I'm well aware is not necessarily the best way to handle things, but it's a defense mechanism and it's something I'm working on. I guess I'm ready to talk now, the problem is I'm not sure what to talk about.

2004-08-09T12:50:00.000-04:00

I had a conversation with my boyfriend the other day regarding our sex life, or, to be more specific, our lack of a sex life. I brought up to him how I frequently find porn in the VCR and how I occasionally have walked in on him masturbating, so it isn't as if sex is the absolute furthest thing from his mind. I've been starting to assume that since he rarely seems interested in having sex with me, he must be sleeping with someone else. It would be ok if that was the case, I told him, I'd just rather have him not feel he needs to hide it from me. He denied having anything going on that he's not telling me about. He claims that we having timing issues--he's always tired when I want to have sex, and when he's not tired, I'm working and he doesn't want to interrupt me. I told him that his seeming lack of interest in me makes me feel unattractive, unsexy, and generally undesirable. I suggested that the next time he's actually horny, instead of popping in a porn tape or going solo, he should interrupt me, regardless of whether I'm working in my office or not. I told him it would make me feel wanted. He said he would. He hasn't yet.

It wasn't a bad conversation. He seemed relieved to be having it. He said he was glad we were talking about it. But we've had this conversation before, numerous times in fact, and it never seems to make much difference in the way things work. Most of the time I'm resigned that the way things are is how they are, and how they will always be. But once in a while I have a glimmer of hope that perhaps if I just figure out a different way to talk about it things will change. I know he loves me and he knows I love him too. He was very careful to keep reminding me of this during our discussion. But it's sad to me to have so much love, yet so little desire and no way to fix it.

2004-08-09T02:27:00.000-04:00

It's been a while since I've written anything I've actually spent any time thinking about, and I'm starting to miss doing it. I think what's been holding me back is that most of what I've been thinking about lately has something to do with feeling vulnerable and I don't generally feel comfortable discussing the details of that. It makes me feel weak and whiny and clingy and I hate the thought of anyone viewing me like that. Oh, I can't talk about those fears, I think to myself. No, I can't go on about how this particular situation makes me feel, I say in my head. So I get a little paralyzed in front of my keyboard and that stresses me since this is supposed to be an outlet for me, afterall, and I shouldn't worry about stuff like perception.

And now it's very late, and I thought I had more to say on this subject, but I guess I should probably go to bed. Perhaps I'll lie awake for a while thinking about it, and with any luck I'll be able to articulate better in the morning.

2004-08-04T11:40:00.000-04:00

An old friend I hadn't seen since college hunted me down and found me yesterday. What a surprise! We talked and I found it amusing as well as interesting that our recollection of certain events and people are totally different. Personally I think my memories are the right ones, and his are wrong, but of course that's what I think.

I'm finally feeling more or less healthy again, after a bout with strep throat. Thank god for antibiotics. Now of course it's starting to be ragweed season and I want to itch my eyes out of my head, but I'll take that over a sore throat any day.

I wish I had some interesting sex tidbits to report, however, my recent ill health has definitely put a damper on my sex life. Perhaps now that I'm back to my old self again I can make something interesting happen.

2004-08-02T19:09:00.000-04:00

I hate my cable company. Due to an error on the part of my cable company, I've been without internet access since last week. The experience has been pretty infuriating, to say the least. But I'm back now, so things around here should be back to normal very soon. Real posts and everything. Imagine that?

2004-07-25T01:36:00.000-04:00

Sometimes I wonder if it's because I spent the first 22 years of my life being so very good and doing what was expected of me, that I've enjoyed so much being spectacularly bad and relished doing the absolute unexpected for the last 12 or so. (And by bad, I do not mean ever purposely causing anyone harm. I haven't stopped trying to be a kind person.)

Perhaps I just didn't have the courage when I was younger to do anything but the expected. I recall spending an awful lot of time and energy worrying and being afraid of what people would think if I didn't do what I was supposed to do. Somewhere along the line I realized that people can't think anything if they don't know anything. If you plan well and don't get caught, you can fly under the radar.

"Why did you hook?" people ask. I think part of the answer lies in the above. Getting away with the unexpected while maintaining my good girl image was what hooked me.

2004-07-24T10:27:00.000-04:00

I've been away from my computer for a couple of days, visiting a girlfriend, hence my absence here. Now my inbox is full, my house is a mess, and I must spend today re-grouping.

Things I've learned over the past couple days: Vanilla Stoli and Diet Coke is an excellent low-carb cocktail, I'm not sure which one of us is the bad influence, don't believe a lawyer when he tells you he's never done anything like this before, and she and I should never ever become roommates. Ever. Men will loudly exclaim "Oh my god" when you accidentally give them an upskirt flash while you're not paying attention and fumbling around with trying to stuff a parking ticket in the visor on the opposite side of the car. Oh, and try not to get jalepeno pepper juice under one's fingernails, for it will sting for hours.

2004-07-21T07:22:00.000-04:00

Mike had some interesting questions regarding his situation, and I've asked him if it's ok to discuss them here.

- Are there any women who value a man who's held the same standards as I have?

- Do most women view the "double standard" as something the men should improve upon, or something the women should partake in with the same impunity?

- Should I have gotten my kicks in college when the opportunity was best?

- Is it a bad thing that part of me wishes that I fucked around in the past now that I know I'd be able to have it overlooked?

- What things would people do (sexual and non-sexual) if they knew it'd be overlooked or forgotten, or just written off as "boys will be boys" or "those were my wild days" or "that was just one night" or "that was a long time ago?"

- Is it a bad move to try and pursue my fantasies now, at the age of 24, or is it too late now that I have a serious relationship?

- Should I involve my girlfriend in these fantasies, or should I break up and pursue them independently? How do I broach the topic to my girlfriend? How badly can this sort of thing ruin a relationship?

-What if I never find a relationship as good as the one I have now?

-Will the rest of my life be plagued with "what ifs" if I never pursue it?

First off, let me just say that I like Mike. He strikes me as a person who's kind, thoughtful, and intelligent as well as idealistic. I have to admire his earnestness.

I'm only going to address some of these questions, and from my own personal non-expert perspective, obviously. I'm no authority on what's 'right,' but I can put forth my own philosophy, and I hope others will take the time out to give theirs, as well.

First of all, one can only speak in general terms about what women value, since women make up half the humans on earth, and every woman is unique. Naturally there are going to be some women out there that have tried their best to always do everything 'right' as Mike has, and would value that same dedication to making good choices. However, I don't know too many people who are so spot on with every single one of their choices, nor do I know too many people that think so deeply about every decision they make and how it will affect their futures. It's just not the way the majority of people operate and I believe it's very idealistic to expect that is how most people live their lives. For instance, I'm fairly sure that while Mike's girlfriend was allowing herself to be used in a sexual situation by some unsavory characters, she was not thinking about her future. I don't know her so I don't know what she actually was thinking, but I'd be willing to bet her future was the furthest thing from her mind.

I'm not sure what sorts of fantasies Mike is wistful about not partaking in when he had the chance in college, but what strikes me is that he talks a lot about boys using women, and has an issue with that. I feel using someone in an unkind fashion is a bad thing. (Getting a girl drunk and taking advantage, pretending to be interested in her emotionally when you're not, etc. etc.) But not every instance of casual sex can be put into the category of a man unkindly using a woman. Women certainly do use men for casual sex, too, and as I've said before, I really don't think there is anything wrong with having casual sex as long as both parties are on the same page about what's going on.

Since I don't know what Mike's fantasies are, I don't know whether he should pursue them or not , or even talk to her about them. But 24 is so young, and it's likely he'll have plenty of time to take care of them at some point, if they are the kind of fantasies one isn't participating in with their partner.

Help a brother out here, folks.

2004-07-20T10:01:00.000-04:00

Regret is an interesting topic for me. Yesterday's postings have brought it to the forefront of my mind. I might be a bit unusual in the respect that I rarely ever look upon things I've done with regret, but I do regret things I have not done. Even if a choice I've made has turned out to be a bad decision, I just look upon that as a lesson I've learned, rather than something to beat myself up for forever. One grows from their mistakes, and if you never allow yourself to make any, how can you learn anything?

I feel a little bit sad for people who decide on a particular path, and then refuse to deviate because they have committed themselves to it even when they've found that perhaps the path isn't as interesting or fulfilling as they originally thought it would be. I feel very strongly that one should constantly evaluate their path. Take risks. Allow one's self to be imperfect. Experience everything you can, don't worry so much about making mistakes, and grow and grow and grow.

I have more to say on this topic, but unfortunately real life stuff like work and errands prevent me from spending more time musing.

2004-07-19T17:42:00.000-04:00

What is about to follow is a bitchy little rant. If you prefer to think of me as an eternally sweet person who's always perfectly calm and cheerful, please feel free to not read the rest of this post.

1. If one more person emails me and says something to the effect of, "Hey, I haven't read your blog in a while. Care to fill me in on the 'former' part?" I am going to lose all faith in the intelligence of the human race. Why anyone would think I would wish to send them their very own special report as to why the blog now says 'former' is totally beyond me. If you're really that interested in the answer, I would assume you'd be interested in reading the blog and therefore finding out the answer to that question for yourself like the rest of the patient faithful readers. It's in there.

2. One of the reasons I lost interest in being an escort is because I got tired of answering the same questions over and over. It's boring. (And I want to make it clear that I'm not directing this at anyone I'm currently corresponding with or have in the past corresponded with.) Please, do me and yourself a favor: If you want to waste your time typing out a question to me, you should read the blog first. If I've already answered the question at great length, I'm going to ignore your question. Simple as that.

3. I'm not a world authority on hookers. I can't give you the name of someone halfway around the world for you to contact to have your GFE experience with. I can't even give you the name of someone in my own freakin' town to have a GFE experience with. All I can suggest to you is going online and doing some research. There have been plenty of excellent suggestions from 'hobbyists' in the comments on how one goes and does this research. It's in the blog somewhere. Use the search feature over on the sidebar, dammit.

OK, I'm done. And I feel much better now.

2004-07-19T06:37:00.000-04:00

A comment on my previous post has got my brain whirring in a million directions.

To summarize (since the comment was quite long), Mike says he's found out his girlfriend of 5 months had participated in some group sex before they were involved. He's never done anything of the sort because he "was under the opinion that it was more of a desirable quality in the eyes of a woman if the man they're interested in having a serious relationship with has always been faithful, loving, and not just about the sex." So now, according to him, while he feels they have a great relationship he has an issue because his girlfriend doesn't live up to his "standards" now that he's been made aware of her experimental past. He says, "I never took the chances I could have, thinking that a serious girlfriend would have held to some similar standards." And now he's trying to figure out how to get her to try a threesome with him, without directly asking for it.

If that all sounds confusing, just go and read the comments on my previous post.

First off, I find it amazing how some people feel that a person who's experimented with their sexuality is somehow less valuable than someone who hasn't. It's no wonder that lots of folks have such difficulty discussing their sexual pasts, having to worry they're going to be judged for actually having a sexual past.

Secondly, what is wrong with being 'just about the sex' sometimes? My opinion on that matter is that as long as both parties are fully aware that it's just about the sex, where is the issue? If there is no deception involved as to the motives of both parties, why is sharing physical pleasure a bad thing? Why should this preclude one from forming close intimate relationships with others at a later time, should they happen to find a person they wish to become more serious with?

And lastly, did I read Mike wrong, or is he intimating that now that he knows his girlfriend doesn't live up to his high standard of purity and therefore the relationship probably doesn't have a future (since he can't come to grips with her sexual past) it's ok to get dirty?

Boggles my mind, it does.

2004-07-18T09:35:00.000-04:00

A reader asked me how one goes about arranging a threesome. While I've participated in a number of threesomes, I'm sure I'm not qualified to write a definitive guide on the process. I can, however, offer some information about my own experiences in the threesome arena. First off, let me just say that I've never picked up a stranger to add as the third party. I know this is a fantasy for a lot of people, but since I don't have experience there, I can't really offer any insight into how exactly that's accomplished.

My very first threesome experience was in college. A couple of not-so-close friends apparently had a plan, and that was to get me fairly drunk and have their way with me. Since we didn't discuss the experience after it happened, I don't know how detailed their master plan was, but I do recall that at some point during the process I was made aware that it was something they did actually did plan in advance. They decided that taking me out and encouraging me to drink a lot was the way to get the job done. It worked, yes. Back at my place one of them started making out with me while the other was in the bathroom. When the absentee returned, he included himself in the mix. Next thing I know we're in my bed. But somewhere in the middle of things I sobered up and started feeling an awful lot like an object that these two were basically using to masturbate into. It became rather evident to me that my pleasure was not a concern of theirs, and when I realized that, I halted the experience. I wanted them to leave, but didn't know how to politely get them out of my bed, so we all ended up sleeping together and then not talking about what had happened in the morning. It was more than a little awkward and I don't recommend this method.

My next threesome also involved alcohol, but not in the same way at all. This time I'd had enough to drink to honestly answer a question about fantasies posed to me by a friend. I said I wanted to have a threesome with two men, and I wanted it to be all about me. At this point in time, I wasn't one to go blurting out my darkest desires to anyone, and I'm sure if I hadn't had quite so many gin and tonics that night, I never would have answered the question. If not for the booze, I would have turned beet red and mumbled something about being shy. But the honest answer to the question was all it took, for about two weeks later, I was lured to his apartment (under false pretenses) and had my world rocked by him and my other toe sucking friend (note previous post). What I came away with from this experience is that sometimes all it takes is opening your mouth and being frank about your desires, and there just might be someone (s) who shares the desire and is interested in making it happen.

And then, some years later, I met a group of open-minded people and became part of their social circle. Most of them had had sex with one another, in various combinations. These folks weren't at all shy about talking about what turned them on which is why I'm sure they were having so much sex. It was oddly fascinating and liberating getting to know these people, since they were quite different than any other circle of friends I'd ever known. Everyone knew everyone else's business. I found this somewhat disconcerting in the back of my mind. One had to weigh whether the pro of getting to have all kinds of interesting sex was worth the con of knowing it was going to become public knowledge soon after. For a while, since I was indeed having a good time, I was able to put aside my privacy concerns. I shared girlfriends with my boyfriend. I played with girlfriends and their boyfriends. It was easy as pie. Suggestions to come back to our place and get it on were just as normal as say, suggesting a BBQ on Saturday. But, just like anything else, it you do it enough times the thrill wears off. And because everything was being talked about, petty jealousies and drama eventually cropped up and the shine wore off the new penny.

So talk about what you want, but be prepared you might just get what you wish for.

2004-07-17T07:57:00.000-04:00

Man Jailed for Allegedly Sucking Toes

I apparently have nice feet. I only know this because I've known several foot fetishists and they've told me so. When I was in my early 20's, two male friends simultaneously sucked my toes, after a discussion on the qualities of my feet. The experience lasted about a minute before I had to extract myself from the situation or I feared things would have gotten out of control. The girlfriend of one of my friends was there, and while she was watching with a bemused expression on her face, I didn't know how happy she'd have been had I let them continue for much longer than I did. But this weirdly erotic experience did figure in my fantasies for quite some time afterwards.

Many years later, these same two friends used the toe sucking technique to seduce me into having a threesome with them.

While I don't advocate going up to random women and sucking on their toes like the man in the linked article above, I would have to say that it's a more original technique for getting into a woman's pants than the typical, "So, do you want a backrub?"

2004-07-16T10:40:00.000-04:00

"I need to laugh, and when the sun is out, I've got something I can laugh about."

Good day sunshine! Damn straight. I woke up in an excellent mood this morning. Some days I just feel more alive than others, and today is one of those days.

I've received a bunch of questions lately, oddly enough, from folks wondering if I can recommend a escort in their area. Alas, since I don't know any escorts (save for a friend who's in my area) I cannot.
So sorry.

I've just noticed that I've been blogging for six months now. Frankly, I'm surprised. I didn't know I had six months worth of stuff to say. But there's still so much I haven't said yet, and I think this form of self-therapy/examination has been one of the healthiest habits I've ever picked up. I thank all of you who have participated here by questioning me, because it keeps me questioning myself.

2004-07-15T18:38:00.000-04:00

This is absolutely stunningly beautiful piece of writing. I implore you to read it.

Dirty

I've linked the author's blog, Lusty Lady, over on the sidebar. She's something else. Wow.

2004-07-15T12:43:00.000-04:00

I feel like it's been raining or gray forever. I'm afraid to check the weather report to see if it's going to continue for much longer, for fear that it will. I think I'd rather just be optimistic that tomorrow I'll wake up and the sun will be back in effect.

I had a conversation yesterday about my fondness for thighs. Actually, it started off about baseball, which led to me thinking about the player that gets me the most hot and bothered, and since my fondness for him is all because of his thighs, it started me thinking about where that thigh thing came from in the first place.

The very first time I saw the film The Spanish Prisoner, I think I only paid attention to about 60% of it since I had my hand on the most perfect thigh I'd ever felt and it was difficult to pay attention to what was going on on the screen. It felt like a rock, encased in faded denim material. I didn't rub, I didn't squeeze, I didn't caress. I just let my hand rest there on that thigh, perfectly still. The reason I wasn't more active was because I was still in love with the owner of that thigh, and this was the first time in a year we'd seen each other. It took all the courage I had to my put hand there in the first place.

So now I look at legs. I think it's a little bit masochisitc of me. Whenever I see a pair that look like they'd probably feel just like those belonging to that man I loved, I feel a sharp stab of wistfulness. But I just can't help myself.

2004-07-14T17:45:00.000-04:00

Some interesting articles from cleansheets.com:

Going Digital: Fingering a woman for men who need to know, and women looking for extra tricks!

Sweet Eating

Flirting for the Advanced Soul: A Single Woman's Guide to Getting Attention

It's Bare..It's New...It's You

A Bird in Hand: Mutual Masturbation

Off I Go -- The Masturbation Fantasies of Erotica Writers

The Global Gourmet and Good Sex

Thanks, Joe, for making me think to post these.

2004-07-14T09:33:00.000-04:00

I've never played with a violet wand, had a proper over the knee spanking, been to a sex club, or attended an orgy. (Do people really have orgies?) I've never been play raped, asked to hand my panties over in a restaurant, or had sex with more than 2 men at once. I've never acted out a random scene in a porno movie while watching it with a lover, been penetrated with anything other than body parts or sex toys designed for that purpose, or gone shopping for toys with a man.

There are all sorts of things I haven't done. I could go on and on, but I should save something for later.

2004-07-13T11:40:00.000-04:00

According to this article, Top 10 Women's Sexual Fantasies, being a stripper or a hooker is #4 on the list. Who knew? I didn't realize it was such a popular fantasy.

As for the rest of the entries, the ones that currently appeal to me are 9, 7, 6, 3, and 1.

I find the article itself is pretty hokey. I think the supposed quotes by the women interviewed aren't very realistically quote-like. No one talks like this: "In some fantasies I obey, yet in others I fight him and refuse to do anything he says until he finally ties me to the bed and calms me with his rhythmic penetration." Calms me with his rhythmic penetration? Gimme a break.

I think it might be fun to poll my female blog readers as to what theirs actually are (not just the ones listed by the dumb article), particularly the ones you haven't discussed with your partner. Anonymous, of course.

2004-07-11T19:39:00.000-04:00

A friend told me the other day that I'm crazy, but in the best way one can be crazy. This was after I'd asked, "Why is it that sex with crazy people is always the most fun?" I'm not quite sure what he meant in his particular definition of crazy, but it wasn't a slight. So it got me thinking of occasions I've done crazy things (the original topic of this blog nothwithstanding) and I've come up with a few.

This happened years ago, and I've have to put it pretty high up on the list of spontaneous crazy things. During a hiatus in my relationship with my boyfriend, I once went to Montreal on a blind date. (It's a good 6-7 hours away). I'd met the guy online somewhere and we'd chatted numerous times online over the course of couple of weeks and had graduated to talking on the phone. I believe it was during our first telephone conversation that we both expressed a fondness for road trips. During the second phone call, somehow it was revealed I'd never been to a strip club. Somehow these two separate conversations turned into his idea that we should go on a road trip to Montreal to see strippers for our first date, which incidentally was supposed to be occurring the following evening.

At first I thought, "That's insane! We can't do that!" And then I thought, "Why can't we do that?" So I agreed. He gave me directions to his place and told me to bring along my favorite CD since he wanted to listen to it and hear why I chose it. Something meaningful to you, he said. I liked that.

Everything about the next two days was much less weird than one would expect. We had a fantastic time. Great conversation, good food, pretty strippers, Cuban cigars, lovely hotel, decent sex. It was a blast. On the way back we decided to get some take out Chinese and I'd spend the night at his place. I think we watched a movie. (I remember he had a really nice bed. I've got a weakness for high quality linens and down pillows.)

When you've gone to a foreign country on your first date, it's kind of difficult to top that, so everything after that is kind of anti-climactic. On the second date I made him lasagna and we went to the movies. We saw "Being John Malkovich." I noticed him laughing out loud on numerous occasions during the film. But on the way home he told me he didn't like the film. "Why?" I wanted to know. He didn't know why. And that's when I decided we had no future and that would be our final date.

It was.

I'd love to hear other blind date stories. I can't be the only crazy one.

2004-07-11T12:54:00.000-04:00

I like sex with the lights on. Granted, I don't want bright light shining into my eyes since I find that very unpleasant. Low lamp light is preferable to unflattering overhead lighting, and don't even get me started on flourescents. Ick.

People that spend a lot of time with me might find that kind of odd that I prefer lights on sex, considering I'm always the one shutting off bright overhead lights and switching on lamps instead. I even have a dimmer switch for my awful overhead kitchen light. When I was in college friends used to tease me about being a vampire because I wasn't one to ever bother opening my dorm room curtains to let in the light of day.

I like to be able to see what's going on because I feel more connected to the person and the experience that way, I think. Perhaps I'm a little bit of a voyeur and a bit exhibitionistic, too.

I had a weekend once with a lover in a hotel room that was pure indulgence. We got a total of 6 hours sleep over the course of two nights, and somehow managed to use 18 condoms. Afterwards, not only was I surprised I could actually still walk, but I realized we didn't spend any of that time in positions where we weren't directly looking at one another. (The one time we did it doggie, I was bent over a dresser with a mirror on top.)

I was thinking that perhaps one of the reasons that sex with the boyfriend seems so detached and mechanical is because he prefers the pitch black darkness, and he usually gets his way. Sometimes I get the feeling that when he's fucking me with his eyes closed in the dark, in his head he's banging Jenna Jameson.

2004-07-10T14:49:00.000-04:00

Very rarely does something speak to me like this post did. Such sexy angst.

It's odd how it seems so easy to determine someone else's motivations for things they do, but it's such a tough and exhausting journey to figure out one's own.

2004-07-10T09:53:00.000-04:00

Last evening my boyfriend and I dropped in to see a friend at his band space on our way to the movies. The rest of the band was there, and they were talking about weekend plans, etc. One of them asked what film we were on our way to see, and I replied, "Before Sunset." This elicited a knowing laugh from all present, besides me and the boyfriend. I'm pretty sure none of the guys had any idea what this film was, and they just assumed from the title that it was a sappy chick flick and my boyfriend must be going along begrudgingly. I didn't really get a chance to explain since the subject moved on.

Good films are a passion of mine and I tend to turn my nose up at anything that smacks of Hollywood Chick Flick. I tend to gravitate towards indie films, the more morbid and wrenching the better, vs. basic mindless entertainment. But every now and then film will actually appeal enough to the hidden romantic inside me to get me to add it to my list of "You Oughta See This" movies. The 1995 release called "Before Sunrise" was one of them. It stars Ethan Hawke and Julie Delpy and is about two strangers who meet on a train and then spend a single evening wandering around the city of Vienna talking and falling in love. Sounds pretty nauseating, doesn't it? But it isn't. If it was my boyfriend would not have cheerfully gone along with me last night to see it's sequel -- Before Sunset.

And I was not disappointed! Thank heavens. I prepared myself to be let down, too. Sequels usually suck, but this one did not. So rent Before Sunrise, and then go to your local arty theatre and see Before Sunset, and tell them Laura sent you.

2004-07-09T07:31:00.000-04:00

Si asked, in regards to "dungeon experiences:"

Did you ever experiment with that side of it Laura? Would love to hear any funny stories you've got about that!

I certainly did experiment further. I'm trying to discuss this stuff in chronological order, though, so I will get around to expanding on that in due time.

Joe remarked:

I think it interesting, looking back at your posts on this, that he seemed to seduce your mind long before you did anything physical. You describe him as 'smart, funny, sexy' and not 'handsome' or 'hung like a moose' (not to imply that he wasn't either). I think that's an improtant take home lesson for all us guys.

While I found J physically appealing, that was the least important of his qualities. He wasn't particularly handsome by societal standards (or hung like a horse), but he was attractive to me. I'm sure if I didn't know him like I did he would not have turned my head on the street. I've never been particularly superficial when choosing boyfriends (although I was when choosing clients). What's goes on inside an individual's head is far more important a consideration to me than what they look like if I'm going to be sharing emotional and intellectual intimacy with them.

Joe also said:

It seems that, in a way, and tell me if I'm wrong here, that you were looking for that D/s experience with your clients, while you were escorting. Your clients telling you to do naughty things, perhaps pushing limits, is sort of the fantasy. but I guess that really isn't the reality. I doubt you'd really feel safe with a client like that, and so he probably wouldn't make it past the screening. and so the clients you meet are "generally pleasant and sort of sweet", and certainly don't push your limits. As you said, "with a client... I'm always in charge." (O.K., not a real quote, but it's late, and close enough for jazz) And so being a prostitute was a bit more mundane than you had hoped. and you moved on.

No, I was definitely never looking for a D/s experience with my clients. Knowing what I know now, I can't conceive of relinquishing all control to someone I barely know. For one thing, that would not be very smart or very safe. But more importantly, and it's difficult to explain, but just because I have a submissive nature when it comes to sex (and nothing else, actually) does not mean that I feel comfortable submitting to just anyone that labels themselves a Dominant. I have to be inspired by something particular in a man's personality to wish to submit to him, and trust him implicitly on top of that. It's a rare combination of factors and not a combination I ever expected or even hoped to find while escorting. I didn't want my limits pushed at all, and in fact, I got rather irritated with anyone who was even remotely pushy with me even via email and would decline to see them based on that.

2004-07-08T07:51:00.000-04:00

When you bring up BDSM a lot of people assume you must be talking about whips and chains and floggers (oh my) and leather outfits and dungeons and that sort of thing. Someone is being hit with something, perhaps crawling around on the floor or shackled to a wall, and there's got to be intense amounts of pain involved. That's a misconception. Not all dominants and submissives play with pain, nor do they all wear leather costumes and call each other Master and slave when they're playing. Some do, sure, but not all. For some the play just mental and includes only the sort of acts that are considered fairly ordinary and commonplace by most.

J never put on leather pants, or whacked me with a whip, or told me I must call him Sir. I think if he had I probably would have been rather freaked out, actually. There wasn't any sort of punishment involved in anything we did together. Pretty much what it was all about was figuring out the things I refused to do and then getting me to do them. There was never any asking going on, it was telling. It was thrilling to have no choice in the matter, to not have any responsibility for my naughty actions was intensely exciting to me.

And oh how I loved him, and he loved me. We found one another fascinating. We never ran out of things to discuss. Being with him was one of the most contented times in my life. But the timing was just so wrong, and sometimes geography and circumstances can put a big huge hitch in perfection.

2004-07-07T18:50:00.000-04:00

I guess I must have done a really inadequate job of explaining that my gig as an escort is over since lots of people keep asking me about the addition of the word 'former' in my banner.

Nothing bad happened. There was no 'event' that precipitated the decision. I just stopped feeling enthusiastic about doing it. I got tired of the small talk (answering the same questions over and over, basically), not to mention the work involved in creating ads, screening clients, and arranging my schedule to suit others. It's a lot of effort, and while it was fun for a time, it became less amusing over time and started feeling a lot more like work than play.

So that's it. Nothing more complicated than that. I'm sorry there's not a more thrilling explanation to the big mystery.

2004-07-06T14:56:00.000-04:00

The other day I read an essay at nerve.com (Nocturnal Omissions) that talks about how 'forgettable sex really is." I find I almost completely disagree with the entire essay. It makes me wonder what kind of sex the author is having if she remembers more what stubbing her toe feels like than sex.

I remember, totally vividly (almost like there's a permanent video in my head) many, many sexual occasions. Granted, there are some that stand out more clearly in my mind than others, and lots of routine-ish occasions that blur into themselves. But there are some that I know no matter how much time elapses will always be fixed in my memory---what we did, how I felt during and afterwards, how the experience changed me a little bit. I think I've always just assumed it's like that for everyone.

The sex with the aforementioned older man J was extraordinary for me because it was so different than the self-conscious fumblings of my boy lovers. Here was a man who knew what he wanted, knew I wanted it too (or if i didn't want it yet, I most certainly would soon enough) and he wasn't the slightest bit ashamed about it, either. It didn't take very long for him to get me to drop all sorts of arbitrary boundaries and limits, simply because he wished for me to, and I trusted him so completely.

I didn't realize it at the time since I didn't know a thing about BDSM, but he was a Dominant and I was definitely a submissive. We didn't discuss it, we didn't have rules, regulations and safewords and all that, it was just something that was. In every day situations (what to have for dinner, what movie to see, etc.) we both made the decisions, but when it came to sex, he was completely in charge and I was thrilled to let him be.

We were involved in a relationship for a year. And I can play most of it back in my head like it was yesterday, even though it was 13 or 14 years ago.

2004-07-06T10:49:00.000-04:00

When I was 20, I thought I was sexually knowledgeable. After all, I'd spent the previous 4 years involved in two long term relationships and had a lot of sex with those boys. Those two had a lot in common; both virgins when we started, smarter than average, a little bit geeky/nerdy, and both wound up being obsessive in a crazy and guilt-inducing way. As I came to find out though, a lot of bad sex doesn't equal much of anything when it comes down to it.

Then I met a man.

J and I worked together one summer. He was very smart, very funny, very sexy, very married and 10 years older than me. We had an instant rapport from the moment we met, but the fact that he was married made him completely off limits as far as I was concerned. Still, we spent a summer getting to know one another's minds pretty well and I was definitely sadly and wistfully smitten by the time I had to go back to college.

The last thing I said to him before I went back to school was, "Call me when you're divorced." I was mostly joking.

Six months later, I get the call. Three days after that, I went to see him. And shortly after that is when I started learning what good sex is (for me, at least).

2004-07-05T13:02:00.000-04:00

"You've ruined all other men for me forever, you know."

I've said this twice in my life, and both times I meant it completely when I was saying it, even though it's obviously not entirely true. The first time I said it I was 20 and I was talking with my 30 year old boyfriend.

Why is this so difficult for me to write about, I'm wondering now? Usually the words just spill from my fingertips into my keyboard, but this is not one of those times. Perhaps I just want to get this one right?

I guess I'll try again later. Sorry for the false start.

2004-07-02T13:32:00.000-04:00

Most of the time when I think of my first real sexual experience, I think about my first real boyfriend, and being 16 together.

That's not exactly accurate, however.

The reality is that my first sexual experience, beyond basically innocent kissing, occurred a year earlier the summer I was 15. I had a job (if you could call it that) at a coed overnight summer camp. I was a Counselor in Training. A C.I.T. There was a male counselor that was ancient by ordinary counselor standards, for he was 23. Most of the females at the camp found him interesting indeed, for he was good looking, funny, and was what everyone thought was an all around nice guy. He was dating another counselor, but paid far too much attention to me. People noticed and gossiped. His girlfriend noticed and was angry. I enjoyed his attention and the way he treated me like I wasn't just some dumb kid.

The details surrounding how we ended up in my bunk together in my empty cabin one night near the end of the summer are fuzzy (since this happened almost 20 years ago.). It must have been a transition weekend for there were no campers in the cabin. There was beer involved, but I wasn't drunk and neither was he.

After a whole bunch of kissing, he slid his hand down my shorts and fingered me. I didn't like it. It hurt. I remember wondering how to get him to stop it without seeming 'uncool.' So when he removed his hand from my shorts and put it on my head instead to push me down to his cock, I was at first relieved. The relief didn't last very long, however, since I'd never given a blow job before and had absolutely no idea how to go about it. I didn't really want to do that either, but my desire to not appear uncool overrode my common sense. Instead of stopping the situation, I let him pretty much choke me with it. He had his hand on the back of my head, pushing. I vividly recall that I had tears in my eyes from the gagging. I probably could have stopped him at any time. But I didn't. And he didn't warn me when he was about to cum, and did it in my mouth. Shortly thereafter, he snuck out of my cabin and back to his. And I crept to the bathroom to brush my teeth.

I'm never doing THAT again, I thought.

My first and second boyfriends weren't allowed to touch my head while I gave them head.

It's funny how things change.

2004-06-30T11:29:00.000-04:00

I'm sure a lot of you have heard about the 23 year old teacher down in Florida that had sex with her 14 year old student. But here's a link, in case you haven't:

Reading Teacher Booked

Now I'm not going to advocate teachers sleeping with their students, of course. However, I was just talking to a friend the other day about how womenkind would be better off if teenage boys had their initial sexual experiences with older experienced women. I think it would help the male learning curve tremendously.

Speaking of learning curves, I think while I wasn't looking someone slipped the new friend I've been seeing some kind of Instruction Manual to What Get's Laura Going and/or Off. He's really something else, and I'm feeling rather like I've struck gold. Some days I feel like a very lucky girl, and today is definitely one of those days. Now if he just wasn't leaving the country for a couple of weeks...

My out of town company is arriving soon. Must run off and finish preparing for that. Fun, fun.

2004-06-29T10:25:00.000-04:00

JH asked about my favorite book or books. Now that's a tough one. I've been a voracious reader ever since I learned how to read when I was 4. I read an average of 2 books a week now, and when I was younger that number was even higher. If I do the math, I'd can come up with a conservative estimate of over 3,000 books so far. It's quite tough to pick out a favorite or even a few favorites from that number. I've read quite a bit of the Classics. I've read a lot of modern fiction. I find history fascinating, as well as psychology, sociology and philosophy. I rarely read anything you'd find in a supermarket (although tell that to my grandmother, who still gives me brown bags of Jackie Collins novels and the like whenever she gets a chance. I donate them to the old folks home around the corner.)

Will a list of the last month or so's worth of books do?

Oryx and Crake by Margaret Atwood

A Short History of Nearly Everything by Bill Bryson

The Pornographer's Poem by Michael Turner

Under the Tuscan Sun by Frances Mayes

Set This House in Order by Matt Ruff

Blue Shoe by Anne Lamott

Like the Red Panda by Andrea Seigel

Running with Scissors by Augusten Burroughs

Wonder When You'll Miss Me by Amanda Davis

Why I'm Like This by Cynthia Kaplan

Humanity: A Moral History of the Twentieth Century by Jonathan Glover

And now on to sexier topics.

A comment by RP got me thinking about the whole sexually stoic thing. I guess I just don't understand it much, myself. I wonder if if stems from early sexual experiences taking place somewhere where it was necessary to be as quiet as possible and then that just becomes the norm? For me, when I don't hear a peep from the man I'm with, I start to worry that I'm not doing something right. (Can you say performance anxiety?) On the other hand, too much hootin' and hollerin' just seems theatrical and forced. I've found a correlation in that the less silent a man is during sex, the more likely he is to be able to discuss sex in general with me which ends up translating into better sex between us overall.

I want one of these glass dildos. Too bad they're ridiculously expensive.

The Other Laura mentioned something called Nipple Butter in one of her recent posts and it got me all curious as to what it was. She sweetly emailed me and gave me some more info and then I did a search on it and found mostly stuff that seems to be for nursing women to put on their nips to prevent them from becoming sore and cracked. But she said it was minty stuff, so I found this other stuff called Climax Nipple Gel. Has anyone else had any experience with this stuff? Certainly seems like it'd be fun to me.

2004-06-28T22:16:00.000-04:00

All my life I've struggled with my weight and the only diet I've ever had any real success with has been the Atkins diet. In the past 8 months I've managed to gain 25 lbs, so last week I decided it was about damn time to do something about it and went back on Atkins. Unfortunately this time around I'm absolutely exhausted. I don't remember the last time I did this feeling quite so wiped out during the first week. But I did some research and have found that it's perfectly normal and should only last for another week or so before I'm back to having tons of energy. I feel sort of bad that my friends that are coming to visit are going to get this low-energy version of me, but don't want to scrap over a week's worth of 'hard work' just to be a bit more perky.

Stephen asked me what I thought about those escort review sites like bigdoggie.net and theeroticreview.com, and whether or not a gentleman who frequented those sorts of boards would have less of a chance of getting an appointment with me than someone who did not.

At this point, no one is getting appointments, so we'll presume we're talking about how I felt a couple months ago when I was actively making appointments.

As far as I know, I don't have any reviews on either of those boards. I know a client did post a little blurb about me on a forum at thebigdoggie.net, but it wasn't really what could be considered an actual real review by the usual standards. I'm actually rather glad to have not been reviewed on these boards, for I preferred the people I met to not have any preconceived notions about what I'd be like. Sometimes those reviews contain too much information---like very detailed and specific information about what exactly went on during the reviewer's appointment, and that can lead to expectations. The only thing I ever wanted to be expected of me was that my client was going to enjoy himself.

As far as whether or not I'd make an appointment with someone I knew frequented those boards, I don't think was something I would have been able to know, unless of course the propsective client mentioned to me that he spent a lot of time reading reviews. I think if reviews were something that was important to a client, then he wouldn't be trying to make an appointment with me and it wouldn't be my choice to decline to see him, for he'd have already have decided not to see me.

2004-06-27T11:29:00.000-04:00

I never have sex dreams. Maybe never is too strong a word, but they're definitely a very rare occurance. I had the strangest one last night though. I'll spare all of you the gory details, but it was particularly weird because it involved a very good platonic friend and head in front of a whole room full of people, including my mother. Everyone was completely non-plussed, too. Egad. I'm not sure what to make of it. Later on this week this particular friend is coming out from the other side of the country to visit me for a week, along with his wife and baby. (I don't recall the wife and baby being in the dream, thank goodness.)

I've recently made a new friend, but I feel as though discussing it might jinx it somehow, so for the time being I'm going to remain mostly mum on that. Thus far he's been nothing short of marvelous. I'm so looking forward to seeing him again before my friend visting renders me unavailable for a while.

2004-06-25T17:56:00.000-04:00

John asked:

Are you sure you aren't losing interest in being a whore just because someone you know found out about it? There was another blog that is indirectly linked to this one, with a similar situation. She wasn't having sex for money, just alot of it, and for free. I guess that made here a slut and not a whore. Not sure if it matters. Anyway, she was outted by her husband and promptly announced that she didn't feel like writing about it anymore and deleted her blog. I wonder if that is happening here.

Your blog is interesting and I wonder if you just like having sex AND getting money for it. You seem to carefully pick and choose the customers, like you are picking a date. Maybe all women do that to some extent anyway. It sounds like this type of dating game is getting dull now for you. No more excitement from the "big secret".

It was an interesting read. Maybe you'll come up with another good game soon.

Yes, I'm quite positive that I'm not 'losing interest in being a whore' (as you put it) because someone I know found out. That happened almost 2 months ago and didn't dampen my enthusiasm in the slightest. In fact, it was fun to have someone who's opinion I value just as much as my own to talk about it with. I'm pretty sure my boredom is due to my curiosity about what it's like to be a sex worker being sated. I've had plenty of experiences, most of them good, and most very similar to each other in lots of ways. I'm sure the similarity has a lot to do with the fact that I tend to find myself choosing to spend time with the same sort of men over and over. I'm sure if I just decided to be indiscriminate in my appointment setting, I'd wind up having a wider variety of types of experiences, but I'm just not willing to do that. I rather like being alive and healthy and don't get any kind of rush out of the idea of meeting with possible weirdos just because it might be more interesting to do so than to spend time with the 'normal' ones I've been seeing.

Perhaps I just have a short attention span for hobbies. I've always been the kind of person that gets intensely interested in something, does it with great gusto for a while and then when it starts feeling old hat and like there's not much more to learn from it, my enthusisam wanes.

I don't have any intention of 'promptly deleting' my blog. I'm not even sure if I've turned my last trick, so to speak. (I like to keep my options open.) I plan on sticking around as long as folks are still interested in my musings.

2004-06-25T11:55:00.000-04:00

A German sociologist Werner Habermehl says regular sex can help university students pass exams and get better grades.

Read more.

I wonder if irregular sex has a detrimental effect on grades. "Honey, I need to get an A on this exam, so put that goat away." Just kidding. I know what Werner means by 'regular."

2004-06-24T12:21:00.000-04:00

Berkeley may vote on prostitution

Just symbolic, but it's a start.

2004-06-24T10:39:00.000-04:00

I've been asked if I'd post one of my ads here, so readers could see what I have to say about myself. I'd rather not. I don't really want this blog to be that closely associated with my advertising.

Speaking of advertising, I haven't in quite a while now, and I have no particular plans to do so any time in the near future.

I've been thinking about it quite a bit, and I feel as though I might be at the point where I've satisfied my curiosity about the world of sex for hire. I'm not making any promises about that, for I know I may just change my mind. Obviously, I'll post about it if I do decide to place another ad or spend some time with a 'regular.' But I've been turning down appointments left and right though, and while I don't particularly enjoy disappointing people, I'm just not into it right now and I don't think it would be fair to a client to see him when I'm not feeling enthusiastic.

I guess I'll have to change the name of this blog if I actually commit to retiring, eh?

Mr. X (my former fuck buddy who I've posted about before) is now permanently on my Shit List. We had a conversation yesterday that firmed up in my mind my desire to never speak to him again. I wished him the best of luck in finding a woman with no self-esteem who'd put up with his utter selfishness and thanked him for the life lesson. I think it's interesting how perfectly calm I feel when I know I've made an excellent decision.

2004-06-23T12:52:00.000-04:00

Kimberly emailed me a question:

If you have an ad with your picture (did I understand that right?) what if someone you know
from your normal job/college/family/whatever sees it? Or, is it that you send the photo AFTER you see theirs, to avoid those kinds of potentially
embarrassing situations.

I am just dying to know if you're worried that a friend of the family or from work will try to make an appointment with you.

That would scare me off the whole thing.

I send my photo to someone and it's *gasp!* my Dad's best friend!

One of the reasons I never made myself an escort web site is because I didn't want my photo 'out there' for just any random person to come across and recognize me. Like my Dad's best friend, or my brother, or one of my real job clients. I don't put a photo in my actual ad.

I do send a photo, once I've established that I don't know the person who's trying to set up an appointment with me. I figure if somehow someone I do know has disguised themselves so well that I don't realize that I know them, and they do end up with my photo, they're going to be just as interested in keeping the situatiion as non-embarassing as I am since they were the ones that wrote to me in the first place.

2004-06-22T01:27:00.000-04:00

I admit it. I have a predilection for men in their 20's when it comes to sex.

Until the question was posed about how does sex with a man in his 40's compare to sex with a younger man, I'd never really thought about why I find myself gravitating towards young whippersnappers. It was just a something I noticed about myself but not something I'd ever analyzed. But it's fun to ponder one's own motivations, and this is what I've come up with as an explanation.

I think the main reason is I'm not a huge fan of quickies. What I mean by that is I prefer the kind of sex that takes all afternoon or all evening. (Or all weekend.) I've found that younger men tend to be better suited towards that than older men, simply because it doesn't take very long for their batteries to recharge. When a younger guy comes, it doesn't mean the entire event is finished, it just means it's time to relax and talk for a few minutes before he's ready to play again. And again. And maybe again after that. I can't say that every young guy I've ever been with has been the Energizer Bunny, but it's been my experience that more young men are then older men. It's just physiology.

Older men, in my experience, are also a bit more set in their ways than younger men. While I'm sure there are exceptions to the rule, I've found it's much more difficult to teach an old dog new tricks than a young dog. The older men I've been with have also tended to be less experimental, perhaps because they're comfortable with their own 'formula' or because they're carrying around more societal baggage about what's sexually acceptable behavior.

However, if it weren't for the older men I've been with, I'd would probably know about half as much about what makes my body feel good, how to make someone else's feel lovely too, and the sorts of things that do turn me on. There's definitely something to be said about learning the ropes from an expert.

2004-06-21T10:20:00.000-04:00

A good friend gave me this link the other day:

In Defense of Sluts

How does the old joke go? A slut is a chick that will fuck everyone besides you? Or, if you're a woman throwing out that word to describe another women, does it mean that woman is having more fun than you are?

When was the last time you called someone a slut? And how did you mean it?

2004-06-18T18:15:00.000-04:00

i apologize for being out of the whole posting swing of things for a while, but I've been simply too busy with my real job to have time to write, and alas, I haven't had anything to say because all I've been doing is working.

However, the other night after a couple of weeks of basically only leaving the house to do errands, cabin fever finally took over and I decided I wanted to do something amusing--and definitely not 'professional.' I didn't want to have to entertain, I wanted to be entertained. All my friends were busy, so I thought an interesting stranger would do. I placed a post on my favorite board, basically describing myself and the sort of things I enjoy, saying that I had the evening free and would entertain the best fun offer. And that offer came from a gentleman who thought dinner and a french film might be fun. Sounded good to me. So, after a flurry of emails and IMs, we decide on a restaurant. I arrive on time. I wait for 20 minutes, until it dawns on me I'm being stood up.

The horror.

I go home, and message the lad, wondering what happened. He reveals he had an attack of conscience on the way to meet me since he has a girlfriend at home (he's here on business for a bit) and couldn't go through with it. He apologized up and down and very obviously felt really bad about standing me up. I wasn't even mad. Actually, I was glad he didn't come and hang out if it was going to be something that was going to cause him to be wracked with guilt.

I told him he might be amused to know he's blown off an escort. He was. We chatted quite a bit more, and weirdly enough I believe I've made a new friend.

But it was back to the drawing board for me, and having only 2 evenings left to actually get out of the house, I went back to my inbox and selected a 24 year old cutie pie. He'd conveniently given me his IM screen name and I messaged him. About 3 sentences into our conversation I informed him about this particular hobby but that I didn't want to 'work', figuring if the fact that I do this was going to be a deal breaker then I'd rather get it out of the way before wasting any more time. He was undeterred. We chatted for a good long while and agreed to get together the following night.

We ended our totally amusing evening together in his bed, and I can honestly say I can't remember the last time I felt so much like a limp dishrag after a romp. My goodness. The boy was totally enthusiastic, full of energy, and loads of fun. He wore me out, and that rarely ever happens. Hot damn.

Hope everyone has a great weekend.

2004-06-18T10:55:00.000-04:00

I'm totally alive and well.

And I'll actually compose a real post in a little while. Promise.

2004-06-09T23:39:00.000-04:00

I think the best thing about this blog is not what I type, but the conversations that develop in the comments section. People get intense! A new controversy every day. I'll admit that sometimes I get quite annoyed when I feel as if I'm not able to articulate my thoughts clearly enough to get through to some folks, but then I have to remind myself that everything I think and everything I do seems perfectly reasonable to me because I know the whole story. I've lived my history. I've been there the entire time. My perspective has been shaped by all sorts of events and situations that I haven't put out here for all to read. I'm really trying my best to not let the frustration discourage me from continuing to write.

Math was never my best subject in school. One of the best teachers I've ever had encouraged me to tutor Algebra, even though I felt I was struggling myself . She told me that by trying to teach others, I'd begin to understand it better myself. She was absolutely right. I think perhaps this blog is a lot like that for me. I'm gaining a greater understanding of myself by constantly being questioned. I think that's a good thing. It's like free therapy.

Pistachio asked me, since I've obviously slept with a number of people over the course of escorting, (and thus sampled a whole lotta merchandise, I suppose) what do I think makes a good lover? I think it mostly boils down to a few particular qualities. I'm all for the type of person who doesn't have a whole lot of inhibitions about themselves, their bodies, and what turns them on. I think if you're ashamed of yourself, you can't be fully present in the moment because you're too busy with your self-consciousness. The best kinds of lovers aren't afraid to say what's on their mind, to try something just because they think it might feel really good, or to simply just lose themselves in pleasure. Good lovers want to communicate and experiment and play. I could go on and on, but it's late, and I need my beauty sleep.

2004-06-09T18:07:00.000-04:00

I don't wish to go into too much detail discussing the myriad of ways over the course of my very, very long relationship with my boyfriend that I have attempted to make him a more sexual person. I spent the first couple of years anguishing over his low sex drive-- Is it me? Does he not find me attractive? Am I lousy in bed? After deciding that no, it couldn't possibly me me, I proactively tried to get him to try new things with me to find something that would interest him--- everything from new positions to role playing, bdsm stuff, bringing home girlfriends for him to play with, etc. This wasn't something that went on for a couple of months, this was YEARS of trying to be as creative as humanly possible with little result. His libido was still as low as ever. I finally gave up trying.

Anyway, I'm not going to go into the whole history of my relationship and exactly how it ended up being open, but it did, and where things were not fine for a very long time, now they are. If you feel bad for my boyfriend, or want to judge me, that's fine. I can't and don't care. I don't wish to justify my relationship and it's intricacies any more and I won't. How we're dealing with our relationship is not an issue I care to discuss anymore.

2004-06-08T09:23:00.000-04:00

A curious reader wanted to know what are the differences between having sex with my boyfriend and having sex with clients.

The sex I have with my boyfriend is rarely surprising. When you've been sleeping with someone for more than a decade, you tend to know all their moves, and vice-versa. You know what they do, how they do it, how long they'll do it for, and in what order the things they do will happen. If you're me, you also know that there's not a whole lot of animal lust going on, either, but you accept that as perfectly normal. I know that the pleasuring that is going on is done out of love, not passion, and that's ok.

When I'm with a client, I don't know anything for sure. Every client is like a new puzzle to figure out and therefore it is a challenge for me. I have to pay much closer attention to whatever it is that I'm doing, since it's not a tried and true method as it is with my boyfriend. My clients aren't motivated by love to have sex with me , they're motivated by more base feelings--like lust, for instance. They want to have sex with me because they're horny and they find me attractive, not because I cook them dinner and snuggle with them during the Sopranos.

I'm not even sure if that is the information the curious reader was looking for, but it was a stab.

2004-06-07T11:01:00.000-04:00

It's Monday, I'm home alone for a week, and my car is in the shop.

The weekend started off promisingly enough. Since my boyfriend was going to be out of town on business all this week, he planned an actual date for Saturday night. For inspiration, I bought him a book about all kinds of little known fun things to do in our city. I suggested that we could flip a coin to decide to gets to plan the first date. He won the first coin toss. I was pleased he loved the book, and the idea, since it takes the pressure of being creative off his shoulders. Unfortunately, whatever can go wrong usually does go wrong and not even an hour into the date my car started pissing anti-freeze. Not a slow leak, mind you, but torrents and torrents of fluid. We decided to carry on, nonetheless, and wound up stopping many times over the course of the night to put more fluid in the car. Despite this annoying problem, we had a remarkably good time.

It's weird how when you're home alone and your car works just fine, you're perfectly happy to just laze about, doing all kinds of relaxing puttering, but when your car does not work you feel like a prisoner and you have a burning desire to go to Walmart to purchase new shelf paper for your kitchen cabinets.

I suppose I could look at this inconvenience as a blessing in disguise, because I really do have tons of work to do, and since I can't go anywhere, I might as well just buckle down and get to work. Perhaps the universe is conspiring to help me overcome my natural tendency to procrastinate?

2004-06-04T17:52:00.000-04:00

Jay asked:

permission or forgiveness?

Forgiveness. Definitely.

Jim asked:

You have a unique ability: would you choose to be invisible or the ability to fly? Would you use your gift for good or bad? If you chose invisible, what if you couldn't turn it on and off (you're invisible all the time)?

I'd rather be able to be invisble. I'd probably use that gift for both good and evil, since I am human. I mean, I'd like to think I'd only do good with it, but let's be realistic here. If I couldn't turn it off, I wouldn't want it.

Nick asked:

If there's one thing that you could say at your death bed "my life was not wasted because I done ..........", what is it?

Every time I make another person feel good in some way, I feel like I'm fulfilling a decent purpose. I think if more people spent time trying to make other people smile the world would be a more pleasant place. Trite, I know. Whatever.

Shivering Timbers asked:

If your profession was legal, would it be easier (because you don't have to worry about law enforcement), or harder (because you would--presumably--have more competition)?

I think it would be easier if it was legal. I don't think there would be such a huge number of women flocking to whore just because it was made legal, so the amount of extra competition would be balanced by the number of men that would avail themselves of the services of a prostitute if it was easier to hire one.

Jack Black asked:

Favorite historical, mythological, or fictional prostitute?

Probably Annie Sprinkle because she just plain rocks.

djskyler asked:

If a decent gentleman wanted to negotiate for all of your available services for a month (exclusive), what is the lowest rate you would consider? How about for a year?

How often would I have to see him? Obviously the fee would depend on that.

Bill said:

I guess my question would be this: How would you feel if you had a daughter and she went into the profession (or some other sex-worker business)?

I'd like to think I'd be fine with it, since I'm not a hypocrite. But who knows.

Sol asked:

"If you could rid the world of one thing, what would it be? ie, Banana's, the color Mauve, the word dude, back hair, Howard Stern. Something of that sort."

Definitely people who are a combination of both mean and stupid. I have a low tolerance.

Tom asked:

I guess the most important question I can think of asking is ... do you have any plans to come to Chicago?

No.

2004-06-04T08:22:00.000-04:00

I thought perhaps I should run a contest, since I'm not advertising right now and therefore I'm not acquiring new material to discuss. Something like, whoever comes up with the most thought-provoking question that I haven't yet answered, I'll give you a free hour of my time.

I'm just teasing, naturally. The logistics of doling out the prize would be rather difficult to manage.

2004-06-03T18:42:00.000-04:00

Sometimes real life intrudes on fun, and right now seems to be one of those times. I have take a little hiatus from advertising for new clients right now, since I don't have time to do all the communicating necessary to set up a simple 1 hour appointment with someone new. With a client I've seen before, it's a very easy process. They write and ask if I'm available on a certain day and time, and I answer, and that's that. As Linda Richman would say, "No big whoop."

Unfortunately all work and no play makes Laura feel like a very dull girl. I'm definitely suffering from a bit of ennui. I think my real job is the best job in the world as far as freedom and flexibility is concerned, but I don't get paid unless I actually do the work and the work itself isn't exactly fascinating. Hopefully the next few weeks will go by in a flash and I can get back to enjoying myself.

2004-06-01T07:48:00.000-04:00

Oy, I guess I wasn't clear about what I meant in yesterday's post when I mentioned prospective clients asking me what I want to do. I probably should have explained better that via email it's not a good idea to discuss sexual specifics, and that is what I was complaining about--not about the question itself. In person, I'm happy to hear that question and provide explicit suggestions as to exactly what I'd like.

And, to add my voice to the chorus: If you haven't already, find a theatre where Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind is playing and go and see it. It doesn't matter if you normally can't stand Jim Carrey (I cannot either) or Kate Winslet. Just go. Be sure to bring someone who'll wish to discuss it with you afterwards.

2004-05-31T11:28:00.000-04:00

I think it's kind of funny when I get an email from a prospective client trying to set up an appointment with me asking, "Well, what do you want to do?" This question isn't in reference to what do I want to do in regards to the setting up of a time and place, but in regards to the session itself. This happens quite a lot. Generally I reply with something to the effect of, "Isn't what *you*want the important thing?" I've come to realize that this particular question always comes from a man that's never hired an escort before.

Clients often ask me if I have any fantasies, too. I feel a little weird telling them that I've pretty much taken care of my fantasies at this point, so I usually attempt to change the subject. Sometimes they persist though, so I have to come up with something imaginative on the fly. Maybe I should set aside some time to actually think of some sexual situations/acts that I haven't actually done yet so I'll have something interesting to reel off when I'm asked that question in the future.

It's been a quiet weekend around here. I've spent the entire weekend in my office working (my real job). My boyfriend has been busy with his family and friends and hasn't been around much. Before he left this morning to do yet another activity with one of his friends that I did not find even the slightest bit interesting, I asked him if he would take me somewhere later on when he returned. He said, "Whatever you want to do..." and I told him I didn't have anything specific in mind and that I would be happiest if he'd just think of something himself and surprise me. I'm getting so stir crazy that I'd be satisfied doing something simple like feeding some ducks and getting an ice cream cone.

2004-05-28T11:22:00.000-04:00

I got my first ad response requesting scat. That's definitely on my 'hard limit' list, meaning no how, no way. The guy was really nice about it, however, indicating to me that he hoped not to offend me and realized it was probably not on my 'to do' list, but he figured he'd ask anyway. It must be so difficult to have an unusual fetish and to find other like minded people to play with. At least with the internet, revealing your fetish can be an anonymous process and you don't have to deal with broaching the topic in person, say, over a candlelit dinner on your third date.

Way back in the days of old when I was in college, through the course of my summer job I met a very sweet and shy guy who shared a secret with me. His fetish was infantilism. He couldn't get aroused unless he was wearing diapers, etc. His dilemma was that his bride to be was not into this at all, but would participate begrudgingly. He was afraid if he married her, he'd be doomed to a terrible sex life filled with shame (since her reactions made him feel ashamed). Sometimes I think about him and wonder if he did marry her or not, and if not, with the advent of the internet, has he managed to find someone who shared his fetish?

2004-05-27T16:03:00.000-04:00

Today has been a delightful day overall. I negotiated a very sweet deal for myself for my 'real job' this morning, and then got home to find an email from a favorite client. He's been trying to set something up with me since the last time I saw him, but our schedules never seem to mesh. It wasn't too difficult for me to decide to see him right away instead of getting some actual real work done.

There's something totally sexy about deep kissing a man after he's licked your pussy. I love that, and especially love it when it's verbally acknowledged that that's what's going on.

And now I've got some errands to do, so I can cook something lovely for my girlfriend who's coming over for out semi-weekly 'hen party." I'll be shopping with a slight smirk on my face.

2004-05-26T11:30:00.000-04:00

The flap-doodle that is my escortng inbox, recently:

"U CAN COME TO MY WORK...,,,,CAN U SEND PIC"

"i'm interested, but are you married?"

"tomorrow??(anytime after 1 works for me)"

"what would an hour costo today..."

Those are actual complete responses to an ad I placed. Slim slim pickins, kids. Apparently all the interesting and intelligent men are on vacation these days. Looks like I'm going to have plenty of time to re-organize my sock drawer in the near future.

2004-05-25T22:28:00.000-04:00

A reader asked:

I know you have to do a lot of looking to find a sex worker who is conformable having anal sex with a client. Provided you use condoms the health risk is similar to regular intercourse so I wonder why so few sex workers are convertible providing that service. Is it physical comfort, personal likes/dislikes, or perhaps discomfort with the level of physical intimacy involved? What do you think?

I'm sure different working girls have different reasons for not offering anal sex as part of their repetoire. I don't because I very rarely have anal sex, ever, so it's one of those things for me that I can't just spontaneously do without a lot of, er, advance preparation. So for me it has nothing to do with the whole 'taboo' aspect of it, it's because it would be very physically uncomfortable for me to do it.
I hesitate to make any sweeping generalizations about why it's offered so rarely, because I am only sure of why it's not something that's on my menu.

On another note, I love HBO on Demand. I just finished watching one of their Late Night Specials called "Cathouse." It's a documentary about the Moonlite Bunny Ranch, a brothel in Nevada. I found it fascinating. Most of the segments had to do with negotiating with the clients. How it worked is that the men would enter the place, and all the girls would come and line up and the man would choose one, and they'd go off to a private bedroom together to negotiate. The lady would sit the guy on the bed and basically hang all over him while she told him how much a 'party' would cost--and each negotiation was different. The ranges were from $500 for a porn star to masturbate for two brothers (they balked at the $3,000 she originally mentioned for a threesome including actual sex), to $1000 a mother paid to get her son laid for the first time, to $15,000 a man paid to spend time with 3 of the ladies at once. Once the negotiation was done, the madam would come in to collect the funds and then she'd leave and apparently the fun would begin. All of the women appeared to be absolutely delighted to work there. It certainly paints a much different picture than the other HBO hooker specials I've seen on streetwalkers.

2004-05-25T13:48:00.000-04:00

A reader asked me a question regarding Law Enforcement that I think is best left for hobbyists to answer. He wondered how to tell if an escort is real, or just LE trying to set men up?

2004-05-25T11:27:00.000-04:00

Jack, commenting on my last post, said:

Hopefully you didn't give up on the Stranger Sex fantasy after one bad experience...

Well, obviously not, or this blog wouldn't exist. That experience wasn't frightening, it was just very disappointing. I imagined it would be fun and it wasn't fun. But it didn't put me off the whole Stranger Sex concept entirely, since I was hopeful that I'd just selected a really weird dude to experiment with. What it did was make me think that if there was a chance I was going to be treated like a whore, I ought to at least be getting paid like one. That way, if the sex turned out to be crappy, I'd have something to show for my efforts besides a lousy memory of the incident.

2004-05-24T23:06:00.000-04:00

I was doing a little Spring cleaning on my hard drive, and I found this little rant I wrote for the Rants and Raves section of Craigslist a while back before I started doing the escort thing. I'm posting it here because this particular experience was one of the prompts, so to speak, for my current hobby. I'll talk about why this helped in prompting me to consider escorting later on in another post. So, without further ado...here's my Rant:

So I had a weird experience that I feel I'm ready to talk about.

I've had this Stranger Sex fantasy for as long as I can remember, but had never done anything about it because of the usual concerns one has about planning something like that. However, I had an opportunity and decide to take the plunge---Craigslist Casual Encounters to the rescue. I wrote a very specific ad about the experience I was looking for and post it, and within minutes, have more replies than I know what to do with. One response catches my eye----respondent is not only funny, but very very attractive as well. My oh my, I think and get back to him. We banter back and forth for a day, and I'm nervous but looking forward to it. It's scheduled. It's on.

My ad very specifically mentioned how I wanted to smoke some pot before commencing sexual activities. I didn't mean smoke it all by myself while Stranger sat and told me horror stories about what happened the last time he smoked. Grrrreat. That was excellent for my mood. Certainly put me well at ease. *sigh*

More warning lights begin to flash when Stranger breaks away in the middle of passionately kissing me to ask me if the tiny little freckle on my upper lip is a freckle....OR NOT. I inform him that yes, it's only a freckle. Sheesh. However, I so much want to have a good time and so I ignore the red flags. Things proceed into the bedroom...

Stranger gets even weirder during his blow job. "I think this is the best blow job I've ever had," he says, but with this kind of odd suspicious look on his face and strange tone in his voice. Like he's thinking, "Hmmm...she's done this before. Oh my god!" I'm in a relationship, and yes, I do blow my man. To have implied in order to be good at something like head one must have given it away to a cast of thousands, or whatever...well, I was beginning to get a little insulted, but figured maybe it was my imagination. After all, this was supposed to be fun. I decide maybe I'm being just being paranoid.

Eventutally, Stranger decides he wants to fuck me. As he hands me a condom, he says, "Do you know how to put one of these on?" He might as well have said, "Now is my little test to see if you actually do practice safe sex." I say, "Well, yeah" and take the condom from him and put it on him. Stranger appears satisfied with my Rascal Wrapping and we get down to business.

While Stranger is banging away, I'm not even remotely aroused because I'm thinking about the pot thing, the freckle thing, the blow job thing, and the condom thing.

During post-coital chat, Stranger says, "You don't have any diseases, do you?" What kind of thing is THAT to say? If you're worried about that, that's something you should discuss prior, not after. At any rate, this chat didn't last very long. It was definitely the straw that made me want to put my clothes on and go back home which is exactly what I did. Goddamn.

Anyway, to sum this up: Why would anyone offer to fulfil a woman's Stranger Sex Fantasy if all he's going to do the entire time is basically insinuate that the woman must be some kind of disease-ridden slut if she's skilled at kissing, head, and putting on condoms?

So much for that fantasy. Oh well.

2004-05-24T11:34:00.000-04:00

I've been too busy with my ordinary work/life lately to make any appointments with clients. Right now I'm as caught up as I can be with regular work and I'm waiting on others, so I've got some free time. I think it's about time to craft a new ad. I'm bored with the old one.

I absolutely need to do something about getting together some decent tasteful photographs of myself. I wish I could make myself actually enthusiastic about the idea, but I can't get the whole 'chore' concept out of my mind. I always feel silly posing for photos. And then there's the issue of who do I ask to play photographer? I did have one barter offer a while back from a prospective client who happened to be a photographer, but he wanted me to pee on him and I just couldn't bring myself to entertain that idea seriously.

I guess now I have 37 items on my to do list.

2004-05-23T15:49:00.000-04:00

I'm ok. I thank everyone who wrote concerned comments and emails. I was just having a down day, that's all. And my feeling down had nothing to do with escorting at all.

I think what it all boiled down to the other day is that I put a lot of energy into relationships with people I care about, regardless if I'm getting anything back, and eventually getting nothing back just wears me out and I question why I even bother. I feel taken for granted sometimes and that frustrates me. However, I also realize that I create my own monsters and that's an issue I have to work on. So no, it isn't a problem that getting a facial is going to fix. I'm not overworked and exhausted, trust me on that one.

But it's alright. I'm not a wreck or anything. I'm fine. Seriously.

I've got a dishwasher to load and laundry to do and then I'm going to spend the evening with some of my very favorite people.

2004-05-21T14:08:00.000-04:00

I feel really unmotivated today.

I have a list of about 36 things that I should be doing, but I don't feel like doing any of them. I'm grumpy. I don't want to see anyone and I don't want to do anything. I'm restless. I'm boring myself. I never bore myself, so it's particularly weird. A friend of mine stopped by for a visit and now I just feel drained. I just had an unpleasant conversation with fuck buddy X. I thnk I need to endeavor to spend time with someone soon that doesn't want me to entertain them. Perhaps someone that wants to entertain and amuse me, for a change. I really feel like I need my batteries recharged like that.

2004-05-19T11:47:00.000-04:00

I'm tired of talking about married men, so here's something new to discuss.

When I'm on my way to visit a client, it's generally during/after a very busy day doing my real work or errand-like activities where I've spent not a whole lot of it even remotely thinking about sex, or feeling particularly sexy. So it's when I'm on my way there to see the client that I have to put myself into the whole mindset of what I'm about to do. I find that music helps me to relax and put myself into the proper sexy frame of mind I need to be in.

A while back, before anyone read this thing, I asked for musical suggestions and I got a few. But I figure if I ask again, I'd get more results now. What do you listen to that makes you feel sexy? Specific songs, bands, musical genres?

Help me out here, folks.

2004-05-18T10:50:00.000-04:00

Is it just me, or when someone says, "I'm not making a judgment here, but..." when they ask a question, they usually are?

An anonymous stripper asked:

Laura, how do you feel when you are with a married man, knowing that there's a huge probability that his wife is unaware of his conduct. I am curious, not asking in any judgmental manner. Or are most of your married clients in sexless relationships where there's a sort of willful blindness in part of the wives? I've been reading many posts by hobbyists, and frankly, I get somewhat sickened.
As an exotic dancer, stripper, I've encountered my fair share of married men, who want to touch, to take me out, to wine and dine me, and they have rings on their fingers. The GFE they seek is even more bothersome, as a result, I hate regulars, and try not to have any. I don't know, I know I can't be judgmental about it, but it bugs me immensely to think of these poor wives.

I don't tend to discuss the relationships of my gentlemen callers with them unless they bring it up and they usually do not, so I am not sure if most of my married clients are in sexless marriages where the wives are turning a blind eye to their husband's attempts to get some sexual gratification. It's not really a usual topic of conversation. I would be willing to bet though that the wives are more blind, than turning a blind eye. Either way, it's none of my business.

Do I feel sorry for these 'poor wives?' No. I do not. I don't feel anything for the wives, since I do not know them. My clients' relationships with other people are not my concern. What I'm concerned about is how my clients treat me, and how I treat them. If I were to consider the 'poor wife' of a client, I'd actually consider the 'poor wife' lucky that her husband has spent time with me, a person who has no emotional designs on her husband and who has no ulterior motives to upset the 'poor wife's' marriage. And if an occasional afternoon spent with me keeps a husband from deciding to start boinking that hottie in accounting (who might just decide she wants the husband for herself), again, I consider the wife lucky.

Anon stripper, I think that if it bugs you immensely to think of the poor wives of your clientele, you have some choices. You can either stop thinking about the wives, or you can choose another career path. Spending your time feeling guilty is not particularly healthy for you.

And on another note:

I spent the early evening hours last night with a marvelous new client. I chose him out of a number of possible choices because I liked his looks a lot and also what he had to say in his correspondence. I hit the jackpot-- very sexy, funny and smart, and orally skilled enough to get me off in record time. Later, while he was fucking me, I said, "God, I hope your walls aren't thin!" and that's when he pointed out the cafe we'd met in was just on the other side of the bedroom wall. Whoops. Granted, I don't think he minded much since he didn't stuff a sock in my mouth or stop what he was doing, and I came a second time. Yowza, yowza. I was definitely relaxed and smiling on my way home. Some appointments are much more fun than others, and this one ranked right up there.

2004-05-16T11:35:00.000-04:00

I've gotten a whole bunch of emails over time asking me if I can help finding an escort like me. I haven't addressed the question before since I honestly have no idea.

So, I thought I'd throw this one out to the hobbyists out there.

Any suggestions?

2004-05-14T17:35:00.000-04:00

It's a beautiful day. The sun is shining, I just spent the afternoon with a delightful gentleman, and I'm about to make this for dinner. Oh, and it's Friday! I'm in a great mood.

The gentleman, an author, fits the profile of the men I enjoy spending time with--intelligent, genuine, interesting and very pleasant. I'm always pleased when my screening process actually does net me one of those (and it usually does), but when he turns out to be an excellent lover too---well, that's just a total bonus. He was a terrific kisser, and had magic fingers and tongue too. I suppose I'm always hopeful that I'm going to enjoy the actual sex part, but it's rare for someone to just have the right kind of touch without needing a bunch of direction on my part. I usually expect to have to work harder for my fun. Sometimes I just luck out though, and today was one of those times.

I got an email from a reader asking me some questions all pertaining to the sense of smell.

1) Do clients usually wear cologne? Do you like that? Do they often wear too much? (I know I tend toward the "more is better" attitude toward life in general, and cologne in particular, one of my great failings :)) 2) how important is a man's scent to you?? do you prefer a more natural, clean scent, or cologne? what is your favorite cologne?

Interesting. My clients do not usually wear cologne. I do like cologne, but I prefer it applied so that I actually have to have my nose very close to the gentleman to smell it, vs. being able to tell from 5 feet away that he's wearing it. I find too much to be distracting.

Scent is very important to me. My boyfriend, for example, always somehow manages to just naturally smell marvelous. He doesn't wear cologne, and I'm glad because it would cover up his natural scent. God only knows why, but his neck always smells to me like clean laundry. Weird.

On the other hand, my buddy X always smells fabulous, too, and he does wear cologne. I particularly like it when he wears Le Man by Jean Paul Gaultier. It smells fantastic on him. He doesn't know this, but sometimes when I see him I'll put a little on my wrist so I can sniff it later after I've left. Yeah, ok, maybe I'm strange.

I find it interesting how certain smells can bring up instant memories. For instance, whenever I smell a warm wet paper towel, I think about being a little girl, standing in front of my grandmother's sink. It was a little ritual having her wash my messy face after a Fudgsicle in the summertime.

2004-05-13T11:23:00.000-04:00

I had an interesting appointment last night with a somewhat cynical hobbyist. For those not familiar with the lingo, a hobbyist is someone who's seen a lot of escorts.

We'd chatted for an hour or so via IM before making the appointment, and I liked him immediately. He was smart, funny and engaging and here in my area for a couple of weeks on business. He travels quite a bit for work and has whiled away some hours with various working girls. I could tell from some of his remarks during our chat that he was a bit jaded by some not so terrific experiences, but had had some that were worthwhile enough he didn't feel the desire to abandon the practice entirely. More on that later.

We'd talked about kissing, for instance, during our chat and I mentioned that I really enjoy kissing. He said something to the effect of "Sure, sure" and indicated that I was probably just a good marketer and saying the right things. I wasn't really all that concerned about this cynicism regarding my honesty because I figure it's pretty apparent when you're with me that I'm totally for real and he'd see for himself soon enough.

In person, things got off to a good start. The first real hitch occurred when, after a bunch of head, he'd decided he wanted to fuck. So I get on top (which isn't my favorite position, by the way) and it felt nice. Very nice, actually. So I'm just doing my thing, and not being particularly self-conscious about it, either. I was just enjoying myself. After a little while, I noticed he had this sort of smirking expression on his face, so I commented on it. I don't remember exactly what I said, but it was something to the effect of, "You're smirking at me." And he says, "Oh, that's just because I'm wondering how much of what you're doing is real and how much is fake."

I was thrown for a bit of a loop. I have no idea how most escorts would react to that kind of statement, but how I reacted was to stop what I was doing and dismount.

I quietly and rather patiently informed him that I don't bother faking anything. Why should I? What would be the point? I left off the rest of what I was thinking which was, "Since if you're not fun, I'm not going to see you again anyway, so why bother with any ego stroking theatrics?"

I think if it weren't for the advance knowledge I had regarding his previous escorting experiences, I would have been a lot more irritated about the questioning of my integrity. But, since I did like him quite a lot and realized that he certainly had valid enough reasons to assume I was embellishing my enthusiasm, I decided to excuse it. I told him this. I'm not sure if he believed me, then, but I think by the time I left he most certainly did.

After that little discussion was over, he got on top. He said he wanted to see me orgasm. But I couldn't. I was close, very close, but I couldn't relax enough to do it, since I was now self-conscious. Oh well.

We ended up spending several hours together, and did a quite a lot of Naked Talking^TM. One interesting thing we discussed was how B.F. Skinner's Operant Conditioning theories relate to seeing escorts. (He asked me if I'd taken any psychology classes and I said I had and then didn't correct him when he incorrectly attributed the theory to Piaget, who actually was involved with child developmental theories.) Skinner experimented with rats in a special box. The box contained a lever that when pressed, would distribute food pellets. At first, every press of the lever would cause a pellet to come down to the hungry rat. The interesting thing is that Skinner observed that when he made it so that with every press of the lever the rat was not rewarded with a pellet (the pellet would only appear at random intervals) the rats kept on pressing.
As long as they knew that sometimes a pellet would come out, they were compelled to keep trying. This can relate to seeing escorts. If your first couple of experiences with escorts are good, even if you wind up having a bad one every now and again (no pellet) , you're compelled to keep pressing that lever, so to speak.

Anyway, despite the little hitches, I had a great time with a great guy and I think that by the time I left he realized I wasn't shittin' him.

2004-05-12T11:06:00.000-04:00

I got an email from a reader the other day that wondered if I've taken very many cherries.

Professionally? No. None, actually. At least none that I'm aware of.

In my ordinary life I've been involved in 3 such occasions. One was my first time too and involved my very first 'serious' boyfriend. The other two wound up turning into relationships that ended badly when the boys fell in love and I did not. I actually was wary both of these times about divesting them of their virginity and should have listened to my inner voice. I tend to avoid virgins at all costs now. I don't want to feel responsible for anyone's angst.

2004-05-11T16:58:00.000-04:00

I don't want to get too excited yet, but I think my new cable modem just may be the fix I needed.

It's amazing what you can get done when your internet connection isn't working. I'm sitting in a clean office. Yippee.

Alas, I have nothing prurient to report save a brief afternoon tryst with Mr. X. (I'd have preferred it to have been with a different Letter Boy, but the universe tends to conspire against that so I took what I could get instead.) I haven't spent much time with Mr. X lately, so he was on his best behavior and was actually not unpleasant to be around for a change. I've realized if he starts to get too obnoxious, all I have to do is avoid him for a while and he becomes uncharacteristically amiable.

On a completely different note, I want to address the STD issue, for the final time.

I get emails from people asking me how can I do this and not be worried about STDs. Of course I'm concerned about STDs. And since I am concerned, I take as many reasonable precautions as I can to avoid contracting one, and probably even more so than someone who doesn't spend as much time as I do having sex. (I don't have that "Aw, it'll never happen to me" syndrome.) Of course there is still a risk, regardless of the precautions I take. I certainly am well aware of this. I am also aware that someday I may be run over by a bus, or be in an automobile accident. Does it make me afraid to cross the street? Do I refuse to drive or ride in a car? No and no. Why? Because I take reasonable precautions. I look both ways before I cross and wear my seatbelt, too.

That is about all I have to say on this particular topic. If you have all sorts of questions about STDs and prevention, don't ask me, but feel free to go and ask Google. There's a wealth of knowledge out there.

2004-05-11T15:05:00.000-04:00

test

2004-05-10T20:50:00.000-04:00

My internet connection has been flaky since early Saturday, which is why I haven't posted. I'm hoping this post will go thru, but it's a crap shoot at this point.

Cable guy comes tomorrow to maybe replace my modem. Hopefully he'll be able to fix the problem. Cross your fingers for me so we can get back to the regularly scheduled programming here!

2004-05-08T15:06:00.000-04:00

Egad.

I believe I've been having email problems. I fear that due to the way I seem to need to have Microsoft Outlook set up to retrieve and send my 'happyhooking' mail, replies I've been writing to emails that have been sent to me are not making it off my mail server and to the recipient.

So, if you've emailed me recently and I have not addressed your question in a blog post, it's very likely I responded to you personally and the response just went out into the ether, and not to you. Until I figure this out, I'm going to use the 'web mail' function of this email account to send mail. If you've sent me mail lately to the escort@happyhooking.com address and would actually like to hear back from me, please feel free to send your email again and I'll use web mail to respond.

I've been kind of wondering why no one ever seems to respond to any replies I send. I guess it's no wonder, since I have the feeling no one is getting mail from me!

Doh. I apologize for the inconvenience.

2004-05-08T14:21:00.000-04:00

Isis commented on a previous post, speaking about escorts in my "demographic":

They also tend be around this business for a short period, until goals are met, the risk becomes too great, or something better comes along.

And then Ed commented:

Along that line, would you care to comment about what would be "better" that might lure you away from us all? I mean, if you didn't have your 'extra curricular' activities that become the source of subject matter for new posts, that would be potential loss for us all. But to a greater question, .. "what adventures would fulfill your need for sexual variety enough to draw you away from your present 'hobby'?" For example, it sounds like your 'intimacy' with 'Y' has the foundation of trust, communication, respect and affection that tends to lend itself to committed relationships. If 'Y' were to throw the "M" word at you (I mean offer it gently), would that sound too much like monotony or lack of variety? An 'Open' relationship seems like what you already have with the live-in-friend-boyfriend, so that would suggest maybe you would want to take that component along into "something better"? Given the declining longivity of marriage in the USA now, maybe you've already 'found something better' and the quote from "isis" is simply 'out of date' ?

Perhaps I'm wrong, but I didn't take isis's comment about "something better" coming along to mean a committed relationship. I think he meant something better in terms of employment, not marriage.

I'm not looking for a husband. I'm not biding my time, hoping that someone will come along and 'take me away from all this' and install me in a suburban house, and make babies with me. That's just not the game plan I have for my life. I don't want children, and I have no desire to ever be legally bound to someone 'til death do us part.' Some people tell me when I tell them this, that it's just because I haven't met the right person yet for that. I feel, quite strongly, that there is no 'right person' for that--for me. It's been suggested to me as well that the reason for my open relationship status with my boyfriend must be because he's not right for me, and if he was, then I wouldn't have the desire to have other relationships as well. Of course, I vehemently disagree. (My relationship with my boyfriend has been going on for longer than most American marriages generally last. By the way. So I don't have issues with sustaining long term relationships.) What's ironic to me is that usually the people that suggest I must not be happy are miserable themselves.

Perhaps for some, monogamy is natural and it's what they want for themselves. That's fine. But the concept just isn't natural or at all interesting to me and although maybe someday I'll change my mind, right now I honestly can't conceive of the idea that I'll ever feel differently about that, regardless of who I meet.

So, to sort of summarize here, I'm not looking for 'something better.' I'm just amusing myself, and trying my best to amuse those that enter my world, for however brief or long a time that may be. And when my current hobby no longer amuses me, I'm sure I'll find something else that does, since I always do.

2004-05-07T16:05:00.000-04:00

I actually wish I had something fascinating to post about at the moment, but it would appear that the men in my local area are more interested in jerking me around via email than actually spending time with me.

"Yeah, I want to see you but only if you'll take just $100 and I can fuck you up the ass." --This was from a guy who's orginal reply went on and on about how very generous he is.

"Can you send me more pictures?" ---Oh how people love to collect photos of escorts.

"Um, I can't host. Can you get a hotel room?" --I very plainly state that I do not do incalls. I think I say it about 3 times within 3 paragraphs.

"So what do you do, exactly, for the money?" Hello Law Enforcement Officer. Want my address too?

I'm irritated and there's no Ben & Jerry's in the freezer to console myself with either.

2004-05-07T08:22:00.000-04:00

Several folks have written to ask me about my Movable Type installation, so if you have no idea what I'm talking about, just disregard the rest of this post, since it's bound to bore you to tears.

I wanted to be able to use PHP and a bunch of features that MT offers that you can't use on a Blogger account, so I bought some hosting and a domain name from Godaddy.com. After a lot of research, I finally figured out how to actually get MT installed on a Godaddy hosted server (the configuration isn't the same as what's specified in the installation files for MT) and I got it up and running. I was able to export all the posts from Blogger into MT and it all worked just fine and dandy. However, the comments system I've been using is from Commentthis.com. (Not Haloscan--I'm using that for trackback. I wish I'd known about Haloscan in the first place when I originally made the Blogger site). Commenthis.com's system does not allow you to export your comment files. I didn't want to simply leave all the comments behind that have been made so far and I didn't want to have to go thru all sorts of manual cutting and pasting of these comments into the Blogger file I created to import into MT, either. (However, recently one very kind blog reader did take the time to manually cut and paste all the comments that have been made so far into a file for me. I just don't have time to put the entries in this file into the correct format that I can actually use.)

So, to make a long story short, I got MT installed and working and then pretty much put the MT site on hold for the time being, until I have time to address the commenting issue. The site you're reading right now is the original Blogger hosted site, and doesn't utilize MT at all. A few of you have wondered about the 'look' of the blog--is it some MT template? Well, no. I just modified the hell out of the original Blogger template.