Thursday, April 29

Heather wrote and wanted to know if for the benefit of the ladies, I'd care to share some of my more popular blow job techniques.

Sure, I thought. However, when I contemplated it, I realized that the Mechanical Guide to Good Head didn't need to be re-written by me. Anyone can find dozens of really great tips for what to do with your tongue and lips and hands by just doing a Google search on 'fellatio.'

I've asked numerous lovers to try to give me some insight on what it is that I do that makes it good. A blow job doesn't seem like rocket science to me, so the idea that I have some kind of mechanical skill that lots of other women don't have just seemed kind of preposterous. So, I've asked and been met with a lot of "I don't know. It's're just....uh, I really don't know what it is." I've suggested that perhaps it's enthusiasm for the task? "Yeah, it's that, sure, but there's something else, too." The smartest and best of those lovers told me it was empathy.

I had a boyfriend in high school, and like most teenagers that are sexually active, we were like bunny rabbits. We spent a great deal of time having sex which I greatly enjoyed, but I never orgasmed. I realized after a year of this almost constant sex what the issue was--why I wasn't coming. It was because I wasn't ever fully in the moment. If we were fooling around in a parked car, I'd be thinking about getting caught by the police. If we were fooling around in my bedroom, I'd be thinking about the fact that my Mom was downstairs or my sister might just burst in at any moment or that I really should be doing my Calculus homework. So, for the most part, I was having fun but it was distracted fun. I wasn't 'in the moment.'

When I had this little epiphany and started focusing on exactly what was going on, vs. thinking about other things, I started having orgasms. Something extra came along with figuring out how important focus was during sex--I started becoming very aware of my partner. Once I learned to pay attention to the way my own body was feeling, I think I just naturally started paying very close attention to the reactions I was able to provoke in my partner. I know this seems like common sense and everyone thinks, yeah, yeah, I pay attention during sex. But do you really? Now think about the best sex you've had, and I'd be willing to bet that a good part of the reason it was the best then is because you were both totally in the moment with one another.

When a client is paying me for my attentions, hopefully that's what he's getting--my full attention. Ideally, I'm able to not think about anything else besides how I'm making him feel. Obviously there are situations that occur where I'm not able or don't want to put myself into that mindset, but more often than not that's what I'm doing. I'm listening to what he has to say, thinking about it, watching him, looking in his eyes...just being fully present. What I do next with my lips or my hands or my tongue just happens based on how I imagine what I am doing actually feels to him. I don't have any sort of set Blow Job Technique. There's no step by step. I just focus on his eyes and the rest just happens.