The other day I read an essay at nerve.com (Nocturnal Omissions) that talks about how 'forgettable sex really is." I find I almost completely disagree with the entire essay. It makes me wonder what kind of sex the author is having if she remembers more what stubbing her toe feels like than sex.
I remember, totally vividly (almost like there's a permanent video in my head) many, many sexual occasions. Granted, there are some that stand out more clearly in my mind than others, and lots of routine-ish occasions that blur into themselves. But there are some that I know no matter how much time elapses will always be fixed in my memory---what we did, how I felt during and afterwards, how the experience changed me a little bit. I think I've always just assumed it's like that for everyone.
The sex with the aforementioned older man J was extraordinary for me because it was so different than the self-conscious fumblings of my boy lovers. Here was a man who knew what he wanted, knew I wanted it too (or if i didn't want it yet, I most certainly would soon enough) and he wasn't the slightest bit ashamed about it, either. It didn't take very long for him to get me to drop all sorts of arbitrary boundaries and limits, simply because he wished for me to, and I trusted him so completely.
I didn't realize it at the time since I didn't know a thing about BDSM, but he was a Dominant and I was definitely a submissive. We didn't discuss it, we didn't have rules, regulations and safewords and all that, it was just something that was. In every day situations (what to have for dinner, what movie to see, etc.) we both made the decisions, but when it came to sex, he was completely in charge and I was thrilled to let him be.
We were involved in a relationship for a year. And I can play most of it back in my head like it was yesterday, even though it was 13 or 14 years ago.