So I screwed up and haven't written anything in two days. I have, however, seen Pearl Jam twice in the past two days so at least I sort of have somewhat of an excuse. The shows were done as a benefit for the West Memphis 3 as well as serving as a warm up for the upcoming Vote for Change Tour. Whenever Pearl Jam plays within a 500 mile radius I try to get to see them. I keep waiting for them to disappoint me and they never do. The past couple of nights were no exception--take no prisoners rock 'n roll. Last night they played Present Tense for me, even! It's one of my favorite songs.


Present Tense - Pearl Jam

do you see the way that tree bends?
does it inspire?
leaning out to catch the sun's rays
a lesson to be applied

are you getting something out of this all encompassing trip?
you can spend your time alone, redigesting past regrets, oh
or you can come to terms and realize
you're the only one who can't forgive yourself, oh
makes much more sense to live in the present tense

have you ideas on how this life ends?
checked your hands and studied the lines
have you the belief that the road ahead ascends off into the
light?
seems that needlessly it's getting harder
to find an approach and a way to live
are we getting something out of this all-encompassing trip?

you can spend your time alone redigesting past regrets, oh
or you can come to terms and realize
you're the only one who cannot forgive yourself, oh
makes much more sense to live in the present tense

Rest assured I'm not going to appear on any talk shows. They're all about creating conflict and drama because that is what makes high ratings. I know they don't care about their guests or what light they wind up portraying them in. I'm not about to get sucked in due to vanity. I do find it amusing that a show would even try to get me to appear, considering how important it is for me to not expose myself like that.

Painful confession time. I watch Survivor. Religiously. I never miss one. If I'm going to be out on a Thursday night, I make sure to tape it. I realize that people are laughing at me as they read this and I don't even care. My friends give me a hard time because if they happen to be over when it's on I only allow them to talk during the commercials. I'm a Survivor Nazi. I haven't decided who I'd like to win this season since it's just started, but Brady the FBI agent is smoking hot. I hope he turns out to be a sweetie, too.

Parts of this blog are going to be published in an actual book. It's an anthology of sex blogs. I'm psyched. More details to follow.

And ha, I just got an email from the producer of Montel William's show. She wants me to call her at my earliest convenience. I can't imagine. I don't think it would be such a great thing for my anonyminity to be appearing on Montel. Maybe they'd let me go on in a big wig and huge sunglasses and use one of those machines to disguise my voice. Somehow I doubt it though.

After a brief foray into redheadedness (which I did not like at all), I'm back to being a brunette. It's funny how even though I never like my hair when I color it, after several years I forget how much I hate it when I do it and still do it anyway. Probably if I was supposed to be blonde or red I'd have been born that way.

I've been feeling a bit self-conscious about my body lately and that's sort of disconcerting and somewhat inhibiting, too. I'm still dieting and have lost most of the weight I'd gained since the last time I dieted. While I'm pleased about that, and I definitely look better with my clothes on, I'm waiting for my skin to catch up and shrink too. I'm particularly unhappy about my breasts. Not only do they feel kind of weird to me, but they're definitely not looking all that fabulous these days, either. I know that in a few months they'll catch up and be ok again, but the waiting part is tough. People don't think about that, really, how even though you can go through all sorts of hard work to lose a bunch of fat, you actually wind up looking worse without your clothes. The last few times I've been naked with anyone besides my boyfriend, I've felt the need to point out and explain these body flaws and that's just a weird thing to do. I need to figure out a way to get over this and soon. Being self-conscious isn't the usual thing for me and I don't like it one bit.

Since my pledge a few weeks ago to write something every day for a week worked so well, I'm going to do that again. Here it is. I promise to update this blog daily for the next 7 days. There. I've done it. (That part was easy.)

Sometimes multi-tasking is a bad, bad thing. I had a meeting with one of my 'real job' clients yesterday, and he said at the end, "Oh, I have to tell you something funny." What followed was a story I did not find the least bit amusing, but rather quite mortifying. Apparently I'd accidentally emailed him a dirty picture of myself. (I was trying to send it to someone else, and because I was doing 14 things at once the wrong address ended up in the TO field and I hadn't noticed.) He realized it was an error since the accompanying short email referenced a conversation I most certainly had not had with him. So he looked at the photo and promptly deleted it and had decided to spare me the embarrassment of mentioning it. However, his wife was snooping around in his computer and found it in his 'deleted files' bin and confronted him about it. I've met this woman and I see her frequently enough since his office is in his home! Now she thought we were having an affair and he had to do quite a bit of convincing to get her to believe him that I hadn't meant to send him that email. I apologized left and right and up and down, but he seemed to think the whole thing was rather chortle-worthy and told me not to worry about it. It was definitely completely embarrasing, though, and I pray he never brings it up again.

A commenter on my most recent post called me "psycho." Well, I must say that's probably the first time in my life that anyone has ever used that particular word to describe me. I've certainly been called a lot of different things but psycho has never been one of them. Thanks for the laugh, Donna Martin.

The boy I referred to in my last post admitted that he purposely sent me a photo of someone else when initially started communicating since he didn't know who I was. He said he thought I'd be mad about it if he revealed he'd done that before having coffee with me, and thought that maybe I just wouldn't notice the bait and switch. I told him that he should rethink his future approach and wished him better luck next time.

Things have been fairly quiet around here. All work and no play is making Laura a dull girl.

I read a lot, and the other day I found a reference to www.booksfree.com, which is like Netflix, only instead of borrowing movies for a monthly fee, one borrows books instead. It's kind of like a library for lazy people since you just pop the books in the mail when you're done with them and they send you the next couple selections on your list. So I signed up, and unfortunately I discovered their selection is somewhat lacking. I guess I should have spent more time browsing the selection before I gave them my credit card number. Whoops.

I had an uncomfortable experience yesterday. I met a boy online and agreed to meet him for a cup of coffee and a chat. But when I arrived at the appointed coffee place, I didn't see the boy from the picture anywhere. I thought I was being stood up. After a minute or two a boy came up and introduced himself as being the person I'd been chatting with online and I was very confused since I'd never seen this particular person in my life. He was Indian, and the boy in the picture was most definitely not. I didn't remark on the bait and switch, and I wonder if he noticed my confusion. So I made small talk and drank my coffee rather quickly and said I had lots of work to do and lied and said it was nice to meet him and I left. I was rather annoyed. I don't understand how someone could send a photo of someone else and expect that not to be an issue when you meet. The kid definitely blew it.

Why does desire in general fade for most when one gets old? Does it have to? Can you sustain it? Is it something that rusts because of disuse?

I know there are elderly people that have healthy sex lives, but it seems more common for sex and the desire to be with someone sexually to be something that becomes unimportant when one is in their autumn years. I wonder if it's pure coincidence that keeps you fucking when you're 70+, or if it's more due to a concerted effort to keep that part of you always alive? It's times when I'm thinking about these sorts of things I wish I knew some very frank older folks who could give me their perspective.

I saw an Australian film a few months ago called "Innocence." It was about an elderly woman, basically trapped in a passionless marriage, who meets a man she'd been in love with 50 years earlier. They begin an affair, picking up, almost, where they left off. Their affair was filled not only with tenderness, but with plenty of sex, too. While a little melodramatic and sad at times, I found the film somewhat of a comfort too. Perhaps it mainly appealed to the romantic side of me (which I try to keep hidden away most of the time) .

The eyes are the windows of the soul. -English Proverb

Some years ago, a friend of a friend who'd spent several social occasions with me told me she thought I was difficult to know. I found that assessment sort of odd, since I think of myself as a fairly open person in general. She said that she felt that while on the surface I'm perfectly outgoing, friendly and charming, she felt that I held my cards close to my chest and only revealed exactly what I want people to know. Isn't that what everyone does, I thought? According to this particular girl, the answer is no.

I wonder what one loses when they reveal all their secrets?

Since escorting is definitely a thing of the past and I no longer have much to say on that topic, I thought it would be appropriate to rename the blog as well as develop a new look. I haven't tested it in a variety of browsers yet, so I'm crossing my fingers that the new design doesn't break yours.

Brandon wanted to know if I feel sex-deprived now that I'm not living the escort life anymore. When I was seeing clients once or twice a week, as well as hanging out with the evil fuck buddy Mr. X, I was definitely having sexual experiences practically daily. I don't need to have sex every day in order to feel like I'm having enough. Too much of anything winds up being overkill after a while. In an ideal world, I'd be happy with 3 times a week. That's just enough so I'm satisfied, but not so much that it becomes dull. I'm trying to put more effort into my "at home" sex life. When I put in the work to be creative, the sex at home happens with much more frequency than when I just wait for my boyfriend to initiate anything. It's a cyclical thing, really. I know that eventually I'll get tired of trying to make things interesting and I'll stop, and we'll stop having sex again with any regularity. But right now since I don't have very many other distractions and it's good for my relationship, it's what I'm doing.

Yesterday morning's surprise attack worked to put the boyfriend in a good mood for the day, although it was a gratuitous act, since I didn't wind up getting any. But that was fine. I made him bacon and eggs afterwards, too. Note to self, cooking bacon while half naked is not a good idea. We had an exhausting day. I helped him with a work project he's been trying to finish and I was out like a light by 10:30 pm. So much for an exciting fun filled Saturday night.

Today's agenda includes vast amounts of housework and not much else. Even saucy tarts get mired down with real life sometimes. Hopefully by the end of the day I'll still have enough energy to seduce the boyfriend later on. I figure we're on a roll with the sex stuff, considering there's been two events already this week, and I might as well keep up with the trend. He's always complaining that I don't play Scrabble with him enough, so perhaps I'll suggest a round of that with the loser having to play Love Slave.

My skinny jeans fit!

I was a little surprised at some of the negative comments regarding Thursday's post. I don't have to resort to trickery to get laid, which is what some folks seemed to think I was saying. The way I see it is all I was doing was using a more creative approach to gettin' some than what is usual. It seems to me that some people just don't have a sense of humor and probably should lighten up a bit. Sheesh, it's not like I went out and got some ruffies and laced the guy's after dinner drink with them or something.

I'm still on this little high from the fervent, passionate sex I had the other night, and since it's Saturday morning and the boyfriend and I have a busy day planned and it's always nice to start off the day with a bang, I think after I finish writing this I'm going to employ some more trickery. My evil plan this time is to sneak back into the bedroom and climb under the covers from the bottom of the bed and see if I can wake up the boyfriend with my minty fresh mouth.

Oh, and I mentioned back at the end of June that I was starting the Atkins diet because I'd gained some weight I was looking to be rid of and today I'm thrilled to report that I'm now within 10 lbs of my first goal. My first goal was to reattain my previous all time lowest adult weight. These next 10 lbs are going to be tough, I'm sure, but I'm so very motivated to just get it done. I think I may get out my "skinny jeans" today and try them on for further inspiration.

Sitting around talking to Y last night, I asked him if he's ever had sex in a bed, starting the standard way (with both parties heads in the pillow region) and not had to adjust at least once because someone's head was in danger of being smacked into the headboard. I made the observation that it seems odd to me since this always does actually happen, wouldn't it be smarter to start with one's bodies positioned much lower in the bed in the first place, and how I find it surprising that the thought hadn't occured to me before. Why people don't discuss this, I wanted to know? With a bemused expression, he got up and crossed the room and selected a book from the bookcase. He handed it to me and said he'd just finished it and indeed there was a discussion of just that in the book. Now that's just weird. But in a good way, of course.

Another interesting conversation thread was concerning sex with friends. Have you ever had a sexual relationship with a friend and for whatever reason the sex stopped, and the friendship continued on without any resulting oddness or permanent discomfort? I maintain that if the sexual stuff occurs after you've been friends for a while you can't go back to what it was before and not suffer damage to the friendship. However, if the sex starts up when the friendship is new, you can indeed stop having sex and things don't necessarily get strange. I'm interested to hear other people's opinions on this.

I believe that last night I decreased my Purity Score by a percentage or two because I did something dishonest and probably even devious to get laid.

A couple days ago I mentioned this computer game that we've been playing at my house called Zuma Deluxe. My boyfriend has been frustrated because he can't seem to progress past a certain level and I think it was starting to bruise his ego a bit that I'm way ahead of him. So I got sneaky. Last night I went into the XML code that controls the speed of the level and slowed it down significantly, and then called him into my office and told him it was his turn to play. I told him I had all kinds of faith that he'd be able to finally beat it and said, "As added incentive for you to concentrate and do your best, if you beat the level I will give you a blowjob!" I knew at this slowed down speed he should be able to actually do it, and I knew that blowjobs lead to more sex (at least where my boyfriend is concerned) which is something I wanted. He didn't even seem to notice that the game was slower. I kept waiting for him to say something about it, but he didn't. And sure enough he won, and later on while we were lying in bed watching TV asked for his payment which turned into sex for me. My evil plan worked.

I'm going to test out some chat programs today.

Here's one:

I may or may not be there, but anyone who would like to is free to click on the button and test it out. Comments are welcome.